Coping With a Mother-in-Law Who Hates You

Coping with a Mother-in-Law Who Hates You

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Coping with a Mother-in-Law Who Hates You

I’ve been married to my husband for 10 years, no thanks to my mother-in-law. It is a sad (but all-too-true) fact that she tried to separate us before we were ever committed to one another.

She came to my husband shortly after we started dating and said to him, “You do realize that Natasha is used to having a lot of money. I just don’t see how she’ll ever be satisfied with your small income.”

Years went by before my husband told me what she said to him. By that time, we were able to have a good laugh about the ridiculousness of what she said. (I had been poor my entire life.)

I was always thankful that he didn’t listen to her that day.

Mothers and sons can have special relationships. But even when they don’t, and when everything your mother-in-law does drips with hatred for you, you may still experience some relationship strain.

Difficult mothers-in-law might make our relationships harder, but if you decide to tough it out, there are some things you can do to lighten the burden.

1) Give your mother-in-law nothing.

Calm down, friends. You can still buy her the blender for Christmas. I mean give her nothing she can use against you.

Keep your private life to yourself and expose as little as possible. Of course, if she wants to try hard enough, she’ll find something to pick on you about.

But the less information you give her, the less she can turn your “he/she saids” against you. If your spouse or partner overshares, that’s on him, not you.

And of course, never let her attempt to mother your children.

2) Consider the source.

Is this woman hard on you because it’s you or because of the title you hold?

I assure you, it is likely the latter.

Without getting too deeply into the psychology of pecking orders, you are a threat to her status as the monarch of her family. You have taken her little boy and have him in ways she can’t. (Not that she wants him that way… at least we hope she doesn’t!)

But subconsciously, she recognizes you as a person who can love her son in ways she can’t. Keeping that in mind, understand that it’s not you, it’s her.

And let it roll off.

3) Never make your man choose.

Not that he wouldn’t choose you. He would, even if he says otherwise. (Remember that talk up there about you giving him what she can’t? Uh huh.)

But even if he did choose you, and you gave him the ultimatum, what kind of stress does that place on him? If he stays with you and avoids her, he might blame you for the tension between him and his mother.

This can happen even if he isn’t a doting son. You don’t want that.

Besides, if she’s selfish enough, she might be the one to make him choose. He’ll choose you, she’ll be mad, and he’ll avoid her. You win.

Bide your time.

4) Stay on good terms with the father-in-law.

When all else fails, he might be the only one who can reign her in.

Now, before you get angry and say I’m being misogynistic (if you think that, please peruse this blog a little deeper), what I mean is that this man knows your mother-in-law. He has lived with her longer than anyone and is likely alert to her ways of thinking.

He may be the only one on the inside to see the real you versus the picture of you she paints. If he knows you’re a good person, he may come to your defense from time to time when things get rough.

 

 

5) Keep your mouth closed about the cruel things she says to you when no one is listening.

(You didn’t know I knew she made those jibes behind your husband’s back, did you?)

If she is manipulative enough, she may play the victim if you bring up every little incident. This will make you look like the troublemaker even if you are innocent.

Let her comments and snide remarks roll off (yes, this can be hard), and let time and her actions speak for themselves.

6) When you think it’s you, remember this!

It is not you. It is her.

She hates you because of the title you hold.

She would hate any woman he loves enough to call “wife.”

Jealousy is envy of what a person has.

It is not who you are.

It is who you have.

Keep this in mind – your fella is with you despite the things she has said and done up to this point. Chances are in your favor that he is barely listening to her, if at all. Most of the time, what she is saying bothers us way more than it bothers him! So, don’t expect him to experience the outrage you feel. Many men just don’t think that way, because many of them just don’t listen or care about words!

If you remain focused on building a strong relationship with your husband and the more rational members of his family, you can spend less time being concerned with the things she says that most people are probably ignoring anyway.

Does your mother-in-law make your relationship with your husband difficult to endure? Leave us a comment. You might be surprised to find out you aren’t alone!

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  • Me :)

    This does turn to be really stressful… Specialy of u have bbys I have a 5month bby amd she always trys to let mi out, like to shower the bby she does it every day she always come in to MY room if the bby is crying even if am there with the bby im starting to loose it now since my husband is in mexico I cant really tell him wats happening because he is not here to see wats happening…. I really need andadvice pleade helpp before I loose it and slap her on the face :0

    • lovely evans

      I totally understand what you are saying I’m 6months pregnant and my mil is always trying to sneak in sly remarks or she will send them through my fiance for instance she will mention something to him about raising the baby or taking care of it or how I should take care of myself and that causes arguments between me and him because I tell him that I appreciate it but these are my decisions not hers.

  • Annie

    Thanks for this! My MIL cannot be pleased. I make photobooks of the kids, photo T-shirts, etc. I send letters that I write from the boys (ages 3 & 7) and their drawings. I work full time and spend almost every one of my vacation days traveling to see them. Sigh. When my husband and I got engaged, we asked if we could get married on the farm. His mom said no. Two years later, she let her pregnant drug-using niece get married on the farm and took care of all of the expenses, and she asked if her niece could borrow my veil. She got mad when I said no. She gave me socks and coffee for Christmas one year and purchased my husband an entire wardrobe (no exaggeration). This past year, she bought me a copy of Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten and READ IT TO ME. No joke. She constantly walks away when I am in mid-sentence, rolls her eyes when I am talking to a group, and huffs and puffs like she is trying to knock my house down. In addition, she gave one of our sons aspirin “to help him go to sleep” on Christmas Eve. Our son, 7, told her he wanted to ask us (as we were awake downstairs), but she told him it would be okay. I was furious! He has asthma and lots of allergies. Plus, I am anti-medicine unless it is necessary. It really is hard on our marriage. My FIL let my MIL boss him around and does little thinking of his own, so I am the first person to confront her about her behavior. She does play the victim. I guess I will just pull away and “give her no fuel.”

  • Bec

    Thanks so much for this. My MIL also cannot be pleased. She told me to my face that she doesnt like me. She constantly plays the victim and manipulates my husband in such a way that I just cannot understand how a mother can treat her son like that. I am the worst person in the world, I am the one whos one goal in life is to break up her relationship with her son, I am selfish and never consider my husbands feelings, my husband always takes my side and never hers, I never make her feel welcome, I act differently when Im around my parents, I dont talk to her when Im washing and she’s drying the dishes… etc etc etc… It is so hard not to talk to my husband because I feel so alone in all this. And then I realise, what good is it talking to him ~ it only makes him feel worse. I am very lucky that I have him on my side though… I couldnt imagine how hard this would be without him backing me. It doesnt make things any easier though because I think about all the horrible things she said to me every single day… any tips on how to get over emotional abuse?
    This article is briliant, thanks again. x0x

    • Annie

      Bec asked about getting over emotional abuse . . . I used to go out of my way to throw compliments at my MIL. I’d send drawings and letters from the boys and call to tell her something cute they had said. I thought I’d kill her with kindness. Regardless, what I was doing was wrong or wasn’t enough. I went to counseling because I wanted to make sure I wasn’t really doing something wrong. The counselor said that it was obvious my MIL was very controlling and that you can’t change other people. But she told me I needed to stand up for myself. So instead of keeping my mouth shut, I now say, “You may have let your son eat that stuff, but we have rules about soda and candy. So please don’t give those items to our children.”
      I think I finally reached the point where I realize that I have to talk to prevent her from running all over me, and I (and YOU) and everyone else deserves respect. It is not being mean to say, “I don’t appreciate you talking to me or talking about me that way. If you cannot be respectful, you are not welcome in our home.”
      Jenna Berry wrote a good book: A Wife’s Guide to In-laws: How to Gain Your Husband’s Loyalty Without Killing His Parents. Some of you guys might love it.

      • Bec

        Thanks Annie, you made my day :-)) Actually you probably made my year with that one! I am going to look up that book. My situation sounds similar to yours ~ I also did everything to include MIL in converstations, make her feel important by comparing her qualities with her son’s qualities, constantly sent her photos of us both (and then gave up after a while when I realised how she felt about me and just sent her photos of her son instead!), did everything I could to try and gain her acceptance, but like you said, it was a form of killing with kindness. Our last horrible encounter was almost a year ago now and I still havent gotton over it. But I feel what you said about standing up for yourself is extremely important. Next time she decides to treat me like that, I know I will find the courage within myself to tell her I dont appreciate her talking to me that way in my home… ofcourse she will turn on the waterworks and try the guilt and manipulation tactics, but I’ll be better prepared for it next time. Thanks again :-)
        xox

  • A

    Thanks so much for this. I’m not married, but I’ve been dating my boyfriend for only a month. My “mother in law” (for lack of a better title) is the type that secretly hates me. She is always talking me up as the best thing that has ever happened to her son (the youngest of 4 sons mind you.) Although, she tries to conceal her snide remarks under “good intentions.” Just an hour ago (hence why I searched up “mother in laws that dislike you” as soon as I got home) she completely embarrassed me in front of my boyfriend. This story hurts for me to tell because of how humiliating it was – aside from the fact that it isn’t true at all – she decided to tell me that she didn’t like the way my perfume smells on me. Harmless right? Everyone is entitled to their opinion. She then went on to say that when she hugs me I smell like a pad. As in a feminine hygiene product type pad. Not only that, but she proceeded to tell me that my boyfriend agreed with her. I hardly believed it because he is always raving about how “delicious” I smell. The fact that she was just out to hurt me was incredibly obvious for multiple reasons: she has complimented the same perfume before (and I reminded her today), she complained yesterday about how much time she has with her son that I’ve taken away, I’m not on my period, nor do I wear pads. My boyfriend freaked out on her and accused her of having put words in his mouth. I respectfully thanked her for her opinion, and moved on. I was slightly hurt because it was dreadfully embarrassing and I have only recently realized that she actually doesn’t like me as much as she says so. This post has made me feel so much better, considering the fact that I didn’t know how I was going to face her again anytime soon, much less hug her and suffocate her in my “period smell.” I now feel confident enough in myself to spray twice as much of my perfume on next time I visit and not give her the satisfaction of changing my perfume. Sorry for the long post, I just needed somewhere to vent considering the fact that I can’t do so to my boyfriend. Any tips on how to deal with a mother in law that secretly hates me would be greatly appreciated!

    • TL

      A,

      Oh, my goodness! I feel your pain, I truly do! My mother-in-law would do the same thing to me. She would brag about me to all of their other family (including her other daughter-in-law, which we later realized was just an attempt to stir up petty jealousy), but she still took every opportunity she could to be cruel to me in front of everyone.

      Just for example (and please don’t think I’m trying to up your story, because I know that was a horrific ordeal for you and these really may not compare):

      1) My husband never bought her anything for Christmas until I came along. I realized she needed a new mixer, so I bought her one for Christmas. The following month, we all met at her house over a long weekend and cooked a large meal. And by “we,” I mean all of her family, children, in-laws, grandchildren, everyone. I offered to help with the potatoes. So, I was using the mixer I had bought her. Well, I really wasn’t accustomed to the mixer and when I turned it on high-power, it has more gusto than I thought it would! Potatoes went everywhere. I laughed at first and said I was sorry and that it was the mixer. When her daughter (my now sister-in-law) walked in, she asked what happened. My MIL said, “It was the new mixer!” And when I heard her snide tone, I turned to see her rolling her eyes and smirking. You are welcome for the mixer, lady!

      2) That same day, someone asked when Steve and I were going to get married. She said, “She’s a bad girlfriend and a brat! Yes, you are! You’re a brat” She tried to pass that one off as a loving thing to say, but I knew. I didn’t tell my husband about that until much later.

      3) When her sister (my husband’s aunt) was very ill, I helped take care of her and sat with her to care for her for about a week. I went and applied for government benefits for her sister, ran her errands and paid her bills, and helped bathe her. Her sister was very grateful, even thanking me over the phone before she died. So, when the funeral came, my mother-in-law expected me to send out the thank-you cards for attending the funeral and for the gifts that were sent. (Not to mention the fact that she made the entire funeral a pity-party event about herself). I did everything except lick the envelopes, because it’s just one of those things I don’t like to do. When she saw they weren’t sealed, she asked me why. When I told her, she went to her sink, got a cloth, wet it, and slapped it into my hand.

      4) The night we got married, we had stayed at her house that weekend because my husband wanted to get married there where he grew up. She made me assemble the food plates for the wedding reception, even though I told her I didn’t want any of that. On the way out the door after it was all over, stopped me to tell me the toilet paper we had bought (trying not to use theirs) had clogged their septic tank.

      I could go on and on, but I know you get the point. And like I said, I do not want to try to outdo your story at all. I know it hurt terribly. What I do want to say is that I am so incredibly happy to hear that your boyfriend stood up for you today. I would say to definitely let him know that you appreciate that and maybe even tell him that you are sorry it made him uncomfortable. Try not to mention her at all, and definitely avoid blaming her to him (even know we know that woman is evil!) even if he insults her to you. Do your absolute best to stay neutral, but still reinforce the fact that he stood up for you and that it meant a lot to you.

      You didn’t say how she reacted to his reaction, but since he defended you, I’m going to bet she’s going to try harder to start trouble. I’m sure she took no pleasure in him caring about your feelings. I could be wrong, and I really do hope I am. But if she does begin to get worse after this, don’t be surprised.

      The most important thing to remember is that most of the time, it will be you and your boyfriend/husband together, and it will be you and he who will live together and with the consequences of how you react to her. As difficult as it can be, do not let her cause strife between the two of you. Always do your best to stay neutral in your discussions about her. If you ever approach him with anything she says or does, try to do it from the sincere point of view that you are hurt. Keep it about your feelings, not about her.

      I am so very sorry for you. I hurt for you reading it, because I know if that it had been me, I really would have cried in front of everyone. I have had to rush to the bathroom many times to cry where no one could see me because of the awful things she said and did to me. Unfortunately, we cannot change these women. But we can change how we feel about what they say and do. But hang in there, because if he’s worth it to you, it will all work out.

      Take care! And if you feel like ever sharing the rest of your story, I would love to hear how you make it work! :)
      -T.L.

      • A

        Oh my goodness! I would never think you are trying to up my story – we all have our fair share of stories and I find it comforting knowing there are other women out there with monsters-in-law. I am sincerely appreciative of your sympathy, and I extend the same to you!

        As for her reaction, she laughed it off and shook her head as if to say he was lying to me in order to not hurt my feelings. After I posted this story, my boyfriend called me and asked if I was okay. I told him that yes I was, but I was just embarrassed. As you mentioned in your great reply, he insulted her to me and said that she was “extremely disrespectful and out of line” and he proceeded to apologize on behalf of her because she would never apologize to me. My one and only comment to my boyfriend regarding the incident was “Everyone is entitled to their opinion. She doesn’t like my perfume and that is fine. I don’t need her to apologize, nor do I want her to. No one should have to apologize for their opinions.” He questioned me after, in pure disbelief that I could possibly be completely okay. But I kept on my big girl pants and was the bigger person.

        At the end of the day, she is and always will be his mother, and no matter what she does or says (to either of us) he will defend her and love her unconditionally. And I know this for a fact because my boyfriend is extremely caring and somewhat of a mama’s boy (not so great for me). He also told me that once I left he confronted her about the situation and that she said that once he wasn’t looking she shook her head to say that she was just kidding, that he actually hadn’t said anything of the sort. Yeah, okay.

        Since my boyfriend is much younger than his older three siblings, plenty of relationships have begun and ended around that woman. She is notorious for playing the victim and stirring up trouble in such a manipulative and deceiving way. Little does she know that my grandmother was EXACTLY like her, and I am much like my mother which had to deal with her. Thankfully I have the guidance of my dear mother to steer me in the right direction before I act out and cause more trouble.

        As for how you feel you would have reacted, I definitely felt nauseous throughout the conversation. Thankfully I had been fiddling with folding a t-shirt so I just raised it to my face and covered my mouth with it. It gave me a way to somehow hide! I have a pretty strong character, and I can take a lot, mostly because of how stubborn I am. I refuse to give her the satisfaction. That was the only thing that kept me rooted on that seat. The hardest part was saying goodbye to her considering the fact that I usually give her a hug. You can imagine my hesitation!

        My boyfriend and I have discussed how demanding and difficult she is and I have always given the witch the benefit of the doubt and have encouraged my boyfriend to ease up on her and help her out more often. No longer will I be championing for that woman. I now understand the behavior of her other daughters in law.

        She has been through a lot in her life, and so I chalk it all up to those events (she has no shame in airing the family’s dirty laundry because she oh-so-conveniently is the victim in every situation. The woman has a mouth bigger than the grand canyon) I just pity her. No one could possibly be happy for themselves knowing all too well what they are doing to those they are supposed to be caring for and loving. You’d think these women would have a little more respect for the person who is dating her son, loving him, caring for him, and ensuring his happiness.

        Thank you so much for your response! I really hope things somehow get better for you in your situation and that it gets easier for you and all of us!

        • Betty Denner

          Funny but sad that you feel the legitimate need to mention that you are not trying to one-up the other!
          That is a true testament to the kind of narcissistic pathology you are dealing with, with your MIL!

    • Annie

      Sweetie,
      I hate to tell you that your boyfriend’s mom has only just begun with the games. It seems to be worse with guys who are only children or who are from families of just boys. I think the mom does think that she is being replaced and goes through a period of jealousy and lashing out toward you (the person taking her baby away and replacing her). Perhaps visits are easiest when brief and when on neutral ground (not your place or her place). Meet at a restaurant or park for a visit. It is more difficult for a MIL to be rude in public (not impossible, unfortunately). But it helps contain my MIL. I love that you are going to put on twice as much perfume. And I’m glad that you realize that it is her, not you. The most important thing is to stay focused on the love you and your boyfriend have for one another and to have him stay in touch with her so she doesn’t need to feel abandoned. Just remember honey, you cannot fix the issues of other people. Love yourself, and be good. Karma takes care of everything else in time. :)

      • Guest

        It is going to get worse. Trust me, I am right there, recently engaged. Make a decision. Do you love this man? Does he love you? Will you get married? If not, leave him. If you do, stay, but never be alone with her. Do not use email to communicate. People say things over email they can’t say to your face and if your MIL emails she will give you an ear full. Only make public appearances with her. Keep your family separate. I made this mistake and she through my Mom under the bus. Complained to my son that my mother asked questions that made her feel uncomfortable. He was pissed off at first. I called my Mom, she asked what she was bringing to Xmas dinner. My MIL was trying to play the victim to gain her son’s approval and place my mother at the bottom of the list.

  • Annie

    I am so sorry you have been through all of that. You seem to have such a good attitude, which is difficult given the circumstances. But I’m so proud of you for being confident and attempting to be neutral. I’ll try. It is hard because my blood pressure goes up when I mention her name. But you’ve inspired me!

    • lauren

      I have a mother in law who tells my relatives face to face that she hates me and she doesnt like me with her son. My family loves my husband and we normaly ignore all her foolish remarks. my husband knows that his mother is a very bitter and jealousy person so we just ignore it. We buy her xmas present she doesnt come to visit but we always visit. So i am not bothered to be honest my hubby loves me and her mother and i respect that. I dont allow her to ruin my life if she does something nasty to me i tell my hubby and he will do the dirty talking for me

  • mary

    Wish I would have known about this blog sooner. My mil hates me and always has. We moved to be closer to her because my husband (been married 41 years) thought she had changed but as soon as we settled in. I became the whipping post of gossip and verbal abuse. She even tried to turn my own sons against me. My husband brother and sil. Have not spoken to us. I have stayed away from her. My husband has chosen not to engage verbally with her she blames me. I do not speak ill of mil to my sons or my husband. They are grown adults and can come to their own conclusions. Facts never lie. But it bothers me tat she does not like me. I don’t know why but it does.

    • Jenny

      Could I have some advice on a mil who simply will not acknowledge me? For example, I had a beautiful family brunch at my home for Easter, both his family & mine were in attendance. My mil hugged my entire family goodbye & walked out the door without saying a word to me. When I called “thank you for coming!” Behind her, she didn’t even turn around. Example 2: for my sister in laws bridal shower I planned, she called my husband 2 days before the shower to RSVP. My number was right on the invitation! My husband told her he knew nothing about the shower & that she needed to call the person on the invitation. Seriously? At Christmas, when we are all together, it’s like I’m not even there. She doesn’t say mean things and she doesn’t try to “destroy” me. It’s like I don’t even exist to her. This is extremely painful for me. I come from a very tight knit loving family. Thank God for them, they treat my husband like he is their own son. We have been married for 6 years, together for 10, no kids (yet), very happily married. Hubs says she is crazy and you can’t reason with a crazy person. Any advice?

      • Mary

        Listen to your husband he’s right… She’s crazy. Never get involved with her. No matter what. She is never going to change even after you have her grandchild she will embrace the child but not you. Been there done that. My husband also told me his mother was crazy, it took me 41 years to finally except it. My husband loves me just as much as he did 41 years ago and his mother is still crazy…

        • Riz

          I have a crazy, manipulative controlling MIL. We’ve cut her off 7months ago. It’s a relief without her around. Today she came for a surprise visit (coz she said) she missed my youngest 3yr old Ben. When she asked my son, Do you remember me? My son said, Who are you?. It broke her heart and cried. My husband told her this is what you get for all the craziness that you’ve done. Now that she is coming back again, I smell another trouble. I wish I could tell her to leave us alone and not come back. But I don’t want to upset my husband.

      • bec

        At least hubs is on your side, that’s the main thing.

        • Mary

          Bec,
          Yes, and I am so grateful for that. He knows his mother to well. But I still never say anything negative about her to him. I just tell him she is his mother and he can deal with her. I say nothing. And believe me it not because I don’t want to. I have bitten my tongue for years.. Because I know it will do more harm than good.

          • bec

            I have so much respect for you for being able to bite your tongue. It is so hard for me not to say it think anything negative about my mil, I really admire you. It comforts me to know there are husbands out there who can see right through their mothers and stand up for their wives. I’m one of the lucky ones too… But what I will never understand is the lengths some mils will go to to interfere in the marriage of a son… Why does this happen?? Don’t they even think about how their sons feel in all of this?? I don’t have children myself, but I could never fathom putting my child through the same thing my mil has put me thru…or what she’s put my husband thru, for that matter. Why do they do this? I wish wholeheartedly all the best and happiest futures for all the daughter in laws in this post.

      • Annie

        Jenny,
        Mary is right. She probably is never going to change. Just remember that the problem is within her, not you. Maybe she is insecure. Maybe she is jealous. As hard as it may be, you just need to respect yourself and your husband, and move on with your life. Treat her like you treat everyone else, but don’t go the extra mile (wasted effort). I feel your pain. You certainly are not alone. It is frustrating, especially for someone who comes from a family so different from that.

        • Mary

          Annie,
          You are so right. I just treated my mil like everyone else. Did what I was suppose to and it never changed. She is just a toxic human being. I know it is not me. She has 4 grandsons she only like one of them… My oldest son because he was the first and only grandson for 10 years. I never got in the way of their relationship.. But my son uses his grandmother and she likes it because its a way to control him with her money. The other other three grandson have nothing to do with her. There is also 5 great grandsons that she has nothing to do with. In fact after we moved to be closer to her she verbally attacked my youngest grandson because he did not acknowledge the birthday card she had sent him. He is only 6 and it was not his fault because his dad (my son) opened the card and cashed the check she had sent him to pool the money that we all sent him and got him an Xbox. And told him it was from everyone.. My son told her he (my grandson) did not know because he ( my son) did not tell him he had gotten a card. The thing is she had not seen him in 6 months and all she could think about was the money she had sent him. There are so many instances. But I get the worst of it. She loves her other dil and treats her much nicer than me, but it’s always been like that. It’s was so obvious it was uncomfortable. That’s why I just stayed away.

      • Meredith

        Can someone help me? I’ve been married to my husband for 6 years, we have two children. My MIL has always been so nice to me, I thought I won the jackpot after hearing so many stories! Until….this year. This past year she makes rude comments, doesn’t seem to want to be around me, doesn’t invite me to anything anymore and didn’t even acknowledge my birthday–this is very different behavior! She is constantly talking to me about her 17 year old daughter and how she is so smart, with the perfect body…it is obsessive, really. I call, I text, I drop off goodies, I invite them over, I even found her perfect daughter her prom dress! I rack my brain daily to try to figure out what I’ve done or what’s going on?! Advice, please.

        • Marisa

          Your MIL now has a young lady on her hands, her daughter is practically not a child anymore. The attention has now drawn to her more than you. She will gloat and brag about everything her daughter is doing or what she expects of her. It’s not your fault, neither can you do anything about it. When her daughter moves out and makes a life of her own, your MIL will talk even MORE. The best thing for you to do right now, is to distance yourself a bit. No one likes to be treated unfairly or be disrespected. Give her time to gloat about her daughter to someone else. The more you make yourself available for all her BS the more she will do it. Even if you have the MIL around, and you’re not the type to do much ignoring, when she starts to talk just go silent or pretend you didn’t hear what she said to behind with. Might come over as being rude, but she’s downgrading you every time she’s around you.

  • Lee

    I have given up on my mother-in-law. She would have hated any woman who took her baby boy away. I think it is pathetic mostly so I can’t respect a person like herself. She hates me even more b/c I won’t allow her to push me around. She knows my husband will stop all contact with her if she starts insulting me in front of him. She does all the typical mother-in-law things- insult me when no one is around, give me dirty looks, play the victim. I am polite to her and I don’t mention her to my husband much. He is aware of her shenanigans. If any thing, when a person like herself acts so selfishly, it pushes the son away. How can respect someone who acts like that? I know in time that we all get what is coming to us in this world. It is best to be the bigger person.

    • olim

      It’s true but hard also. In the long run, your husband will want to be closer to you because you aren’t the one driving him crazy.

    • Kiwi

      My friend and her mother have a really strong mother and daughter bond. They are two of a kind. She also has a quite a sharp tongue and a really strong sense of justice and loyalty to her mother and her friends, and when she saw her grandmother publicly ridiculing her mother during a family gathering my friend went full blown dragon on her and made her own grandmother cry, she was only 12 when she did this. I think it was pretty funny. They harass their daughter in laws and treat the child like an angel, but they don’t realize that that same child can bite them in the ass a decade later.

    • van

      You are do lucky ur husband sees the wrongs her mother do to you. Mine its like a puppet to her. I even compete for his love with every member of his family. I feel he never loved me close to the way he loves his siblings, not to mention his mom. He eveb disrespects me in front of his young brothers.

  • latrice

    I read your advice and it is pretty encouraging. I am in a marriage with my wonderful husband, and then theres his mom,!! This woman is beyond fake and phony, she has hated me from day 1 because she was so use o her son being up under her all the time. he didnt move out of her house til he was 35!! and that was with me, we have a beautiful baby girl whom she tried to say wasn’t his when i was preggo but now she see’s the baby and see there is no denying her. I have allowed this woman to cause so much confusion in my life and marriage. I had really been prayng about it but now its starting back up. And what irritates me most is she does it when my Husbannd is not around or she does it while he right there but in a very passive aggressive way. My Husband goes over to her house often to help her alot becuse of course she lives in this huge house ALONE!!! and thats her problem shes mad because he is no longer there. I have tried so many times to be nice to her and honestly I just really want her to like me beacuse i thought once me and y hubby became 1 we all were famiy but she treats me like an outkast and it hurts me to the point of tears. My husband tells me that I shouldnt pay her any attention but i tell hi he is not the one always getting insulted by her smal rude remarks even about how i raise my child., There are too any things thats happend for me to name them all’ e have been married for almost 2 years but have been together for about 3 and a half. I dont know what else to do, im almost tired of being in this mmarriage because i have to deal with her, it wouldnt be so ad if there family wasnt close and alway havinglittle gatherings on hoildays and there always at her house. I get along with his siblings only according to if she hasnt been bad mouthing me to them and oh believe i can telll’ I hate this situation. I honestly dont think i would have went forth with my marriage if I had knew this woman was going to be this way. Please help, I dont expect you to know exactly what I should do but venting sometimes helps me alot, my usbad dont wanna hear it because in the past i always use to cry to him.

  • nicole richardson

    I have been feeling so down. My MIL does not care for me because she feels that my husband should have married someone else. She is very unwelcoming to our children. They can’t move around her home and she tells me where to sit when I visits. She does not want me moving around her house. Its the complete opposite for her other son’s wife and children. They do as they please. My husband comes home late at night because she tries to keep him there at her house. We just had a baby and I am feeling so alone. I am a good person. It’s been 15 years but I don’t know if I can take anymore of this. My husband tells her everything we talk about and if he has a problem he confides in her first and gets her opinion first. I went to a party his brother was throwing, he was introduced and I was not introduced at all. I’m stressed!!!

    • Colette

      When ever you go to functions introduce yourself don’t let your husband do it!!! Your are own equal person, never let your husband do it unless he does or chooses to. It possible you are a very gorgeous and beautiful person you don’t need him to do so. You were born with a voice!!! USE IT!!! Don’t place your children around someone negative like her either until she had a better attitude no exceptions, Im sure she lets her family sit where they like, letting her do this is demeaning to you, if she not being polite then leave!!!!

    • mom_of_4

      I know the pain but I live with my mil because of finance reasons he lost his job she favors his son from a previous marriage badly and she doesn’t buy my kids Christmas gifts just my step son. She is always saying that I don’t clean the house good enough that I steal her clothes etc. I have been very depressed living there and I’m 7 month pregnant with my 3rd baby which does not help. I don’t know what to do anymore there is a whole lot more to type but I would be here for two days typing and me and my husband have only been married 3 years. HELP!!!!!

      • krishni

        I have been reading the posts and have been looking for one who lived with the MIL. I have been dating my bf for 2 years and we have been talking about getting married. His dad passed on 6 months ago and now the old woman is alone with my bf in this huge house. She is in her 60s so my bf is not prepared to let her live alone so .. if we get married she will be living with us. we got on until recently where she overheard me talking to my bf while angry and told me that I must watch how I talk to her son or she will ‘sort me out’. she also questioned me about a little homeless boy I am adopting asking me why I don’t allow my bf to discipline him when he is naughty ( this after my bf complained about it to her!!!) I was so upset and told her that I am the person who is feeding/educating/clothing the child and if and when her son marries me and takes responsibility he can then take part in discipline. I was so upset that she made it seem like the child will be an hindrance to her sons future. I was so upset I told her that I am very capable of taking care of my child and myself and if her son has a problem with the child he doesn’t have to marry me. Her comeback was.. yes I think yourl should wait!!!. Anyhow I told my bf about the incident and told him he is partly to blame for running to mummy complaining about our personal problems. But that still doesn’t give her the right to meddle and question me. I have avoided her since and have not visited there, he comes to my place. I am now totally depressed at the fact that I have to live with this meddling bitch (sorry for my French but I am so mad) and I am having constant nightmares about living my future with this creepy noisy meddler hovering over me. HELP!!! what do I do??? I know she doesn’t have anywhere else to go cos the other son and daughter in law don’t talk to her GO FIGURE. and she has 3 other daughters who hardly visit her I WONDER WHY

  • Annie

    Has anyone else experienced anything like this: When my father-in-law passed away, my MIL wanted my husband to be with her to make the arrangements. My FIL had been sick, so she had time to plan everything in detail. My husband helped her do everything. Meanwhile, I was at home (several hours away) working full time (from home thanks to a good boss) and taking care of our children full time. I wanted to be down there with him, as I thought family gathered to be together at such times. However, his mom just wanted us to come down there for the visitation and funeral. She even picked out the flowers from my husband and I AND from my parents and had my husband pay for them. It is typical of her, as she always has to be in control. He never stands up to her, and I’m tired of it. I feel guilty saying it, but I wish she had died instead. She brings tension into our home. Other relatives have even commented on it. But I’ve had friends and relatives tell me I handle it all very well. I just don’t think I can do it anymore. Any insights or advice?

    • Judy

      as a mother in law…. I do not think it was ‘wrong’ for mother to ask the assistance of a son to help make plans for the father’s funeral. Mother in law might not have been able to make prearranged plans due to her emotions of loosing husband and her own cultural beliefs. I give her some leeway on this. However, I do think it was inappropriate to select flowers and then tell others to pay for them.

      • Shannon Caraker

        assistance is fine, but if it takes away from the needs of his family, there is a problem.

    • kate

      Help I am going through the same thing.

      • Elain Benes

        Me too! My MIL has had a few serious health scares lately, but has pulled through. Guess what I’m not gonna say next.

        • DiamondW

          Hey Elaine! My MIL has had some health scares a few years before i came on the scene and she’s also still here to cause strife and havoc.

    • Gary

      My mother-in-law drives me nuts. I wonder if she has any brains at all. It’s things like following me and my young boys into changerooms after swimming. Her ingratiating behaviour is also a big turn-off. I want to be around people who are genuine about their caring and concern. She has lived under our roof for free for a year and never once has shown true gratitude for the sacrifices that we make at the expense of our children. My wife just can’t see it this way. What can I do?

    • kimmy

      I no exactly how you feel.i have a mother in law that hates me for absolutely no reason. His father was the one I was close with and he just passed away a month and a half ago.they were not even married anymore and she uses his death to get my husband to come over her house almost Every day now. I real can’t take it anymore ether she has Ben trying to come between us from the beginning she has even wanted him to stay overnight HE IS MARIED WITH A FAMILY NOW he seams to see nothing wrong with the way she acts (LIKE HE IS HER HUSBAND) it’s so unbelievably unhealthy. She gets into our life constantly by acting Like she can’t do anything by her self and needs him for every thing it is getting so old n Idn how much more I can take

  • Samantha de Ruiter

    This has helped so much. My boyfriends mom has banned be from their house, and things have been difficult the pass few months. I really don’t know what her issue is and I’ve tried to be the better person and talk to her in public but she flat out ignores me. This gives me some hope.

  • GoGetEmGal

    Thank you so much for this. This post was an answered prayer. I have a “hot and cold”one I’m dealing with. I’m a good, respectful person. If she doesn’t like me, that’s cool. As long as I have my manners, I’m good. Recently she mentioned that I don’t say “hi” to her as often when we visit but that’s far from the truth. I questioned my bf about this (bc it wasn’t true) and he just said, “don’t worry about it”. The complaints go either way – i either don’t say ‘hi’ enough or talk too much; either i’m not over there visiting her or i’m there all the time…it never ends. My parents (surprisingly) said that I should NEVER bend backwards for her and it’s her with the problem. As long as I’m being true to myself, no universal law of bad karma can get to me.

  • nina

    this article made me feel great thank you so much for this!!

  • Ali

    Great article. I divorced the guy (after 14 yrs of marriage) who was an EXTREME mama’s boy (needed to be with her every day. Let her control everything).
    …And I’ve never looked back since. That was seven yrs ago. It was the only way out.

    And guess what???? he is 47 and STILL lives with his witchy mean controlling crazy 87y/o mother.

    And now I’m free, and sooooo happy not to have to deal with the b.s.. I would have been so miserable if I’d stayed.

    Now I steer clear of any guy who does not recognize his mean mother, and who doesn’t defend me when she is acting like a jealous mean mil. I only date guys who have the guts to stand up to their mother if she is in the wrong.

    I have a boyfriend now. His mother (I thought) was really nice. Until she started with the jealousy comments and talking bad about me to other relatives. My b.f. thinks his mother is crazy. He tells her straight out, since you won’t stop talking this way we’re leaving. He tells me he knows she lies, and that she likes gossip, and that she is totally wrong. He says he can’t stand going over her house, because “she’s always been like this. she gets mad at anything when she can’t have her way.”

    So glad my b.f. isn’t at all like my exH (Mama’s boy), who used to tell me off, and defend his idiot mother. There were no words to describe the anger and hurt I felt, when my exH would refuse to defend me, because he was afraid of his mother.

    Anyone who has an extreme mama’s boy for a husband, a guy without a spine to tell his mother she’s wrong and take your side, PLEASE LEAVE the marriage because it’s a losing battle.

    Thank you all for posting. Your stories bring back memories of my nightmare marriage. I’m SO happy to be free of all of it.

  • Karicka Battle-pruitt

    My MIL doesn’t like me for some apparent reason. I have been married to my husband for 10 years but we have been a couple for 16years and when I say a MILfrom heell. She has caused so much conflict in our marriage but when I speak to him about her then gets defensive and I’m not allowed to say anything about her. Well just recently a situation happen in our home where she has been living with us. My husband and I had a heated disagreement and all of a sudden she butted in and started taking his side. I had enough so I just replied with please say out of this it between him and I but she keep talking so he got mad at me and started calling me names. So I got defensive but make a long story she was inside the house where our 14year old daughter waas at she went in her room and started meddling saying things to her like your daddy never liked you calling me a b word and when my daughter replied she called her a b. When our daughter approach her dad with what she had said she denied everything. Point is how can I get him to see what his mother has done because now my daughter won’t talk to her father. I’m so upset thinking a divorcing my husband behind his mothers actions.

    • Guess 2014

      I would put cameras in the house and I will record her to gather evidence that she’s actually a bad person.

    • disqus_2Q2ezUuL79

      I feel your pain, and I’ve been through almost the exact same thing.

  • Christine Cookson Veach

    I did the above for 24 years. She repeatedly hurt me the entire time. Then she made the mistake of turning on her son and granddaughter a few times. That led the entire family to say ENOUGH. We cut her, her lies, her drama and her mean spirit-ness out of our lives. And the peace we have found in the last 18 months, the utter RELIEF to not have to tip toe around her and do all of the above anymore has been BLISS. We promised the siblings not to put them in the middle and we have kept that promise. And our relationships, now free of interference from the MIL, has strengthened considerably. I’m not saying your advice is wrong… try it, if it works more the better. If it doesn’t… don’t keep trying for 24 long years like I did. It’s freaking exhausting.

  • Chessa

    My mother-in-law is a lie. My husband and I have been married for almost two years and when we got engaged the first words she told my husband was “there’s other fishies in the sea”.
    After we got married she claimed me as one of hers, she loved me so much and was happy that I was her daughter-in-law and wanted me to be the first one to give her a grandchild.
    Around last winter all the way up to now, things suddenly changed. She doesn’t claim me as one of hers or her “daughter-in-law”, I’m addressed as “her sons wife”, She treats my husband and I like children. Her and I just can’t be around each other at all cause we just won’t get along. Sadly months after we got married and feb of this year my husband and I have had 2 miscarriages and she blamed me for not being able to “successfully carry”. My husband got on her for that then she tried to cover it up by saying something worse like “she probley wasn’t taking care of herself”. Also when my husband and I have our normal couple arguments cause we hit the bumpy road phase last year, her solution for us was to get a divorce. She was like “you all argue everyday” (when she wasn’t around us everyday), “you don’t get along, you both are angry kids… etc”. She really seriously couldn’t back anything up. She doesn’t want us to have any kids any time soon my husband let her get to his head about that but always tells me to ignore her about that subject all the time, trust me I do! I’m hoping to be pregnant soon and the day I find out I’m not telling her. I know my husband will (not right away) want to but I honestly don’t want anything to do with a divorced, manipulative, two faced, judgmental, hypocritical, flakey bitch who happens to be my mother-in-law that’s been in and out of all kinds of relationships like affairs, abusive, short term, cougar, distant, just the worst nasty relationships you can think of she’s been apart of all of them and she’s defiantly not the one to give advice to us and my husband knows and agrees greatly with me on this!
    But not this part: She is a pathetic human being. And I do not wish to be on any kind of terms with her and wish that I have never met her. I know this would hurt my husband If I told him and I wish his mom was a better person but I can’t change who she is or anyone at that.

    • DiamondW

      Omg Chessa!! I think we have the same MIL!!!!!

  • Ariel

    I just wanted to say thank you for this post. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 7 years and we informed his mother (now my future MIL) that we wanted to get married (not that it’s the first time she’s heard the idea. I mean, what did she expect to happen after us dating so long). She flipped out and proved what I had only assumed true – she hates me and always has. I googled how best to deal with it and this was one of first to show up. I can’t describe how helpful this proved to be and how much more at ease I am with the whole thing. So, thank you.

  • sunny

    My mil hates me too and I’m clueless on how to make it better. She paints such a bad picture of me and truthfully I’m a good wife. My husband is jobless for the first time ever and we have 2 small children, my husband had an interview and she didn’t even want him to use “one” of her cars. I don’t like to tell my husband about her rude comments because I don’t want him in the middle and if I talk to my family they get ready to wage war! She thinks her son could have done better.

  • Jessee

    Thank you for writing this. My question is how do you handle this with kids involved? My mother in law hates me and doesn’t have much of a relationship with my kids. Yet she loves my sister in law (husbands brothers wife) and their baby girl. We had three miscarriages and when we told her we were pregnant with my youngest (now 10 months old) she said “thought you two would have learned to prevent that by now”. I have three children, oldest is 8 and I am a great mother. But she tells my brother and sister in law how they should have more kids, she’s been there for everything to do with their daughter who’s only 15 months old but doesn’t know anything about my kids. I have tried and tried to get her to be more involved but have failed. It has really gotten bad since a fight with my brother in law and his wife, due to his wife lying about things I supposedly said to her so she could gain sympathy from my mother in law. Now I don’t know what to do because my girls want a relationship with her and are very hurt because they don’t but their cousin does. How do I help my kids? Will she ever love them or only be distant with them because they are my kids? Help please…I can’t keep my cool much longer.

  • Patty

    ugh I can totally relate, in my previous marriage my husband and I were together for 8 1/2 years dating and we were married 4. My mother in law was my second mother in every extent of the word, she is absolutely amazing and loving and I love her to death to this day, she has always been there for me and I can guarantee she always will be. Now that I started dating again my boyfriend is amazing, everything I could ever want but of course he had to have a defect… his mother! She has been so manipulative and always plays the victim. We are from different religious backgrounds so everything I do to her seems wrong (I will probably burn in hell for having a marriage that didn’t work out and being 4 years older than him) then she gets upset when I don’t go to church with them but cannot accept that he would want to come to church with me. Not only that but he financially supports her (because God forbid she ever works of her husband alone can support her on his income) so sometimes we have to juggle with money because he has to provide for her. In front if me she is so loving and nice but behind me she says all kinds of mean things and belittles me. I am tired of this! I really hope I can keep up with it because he is so worth it but she drives me insane.

  • jane

    This is so helpful! I’m glad I’m not the only one with this problem. My mil was so nice to me till I got pregnant and had her grandson my baby. She acts all happy but then later after making little hurtful remarks about me and my family said she just doesn’t know how she feels about my son being born. Who says that!? My fiance already has another kid and she treats his daughter completely different than our son. She will go out and buy all sorts of things for her but never any for our son. Which is her grandson. I have been very nice to her but she deletes me from Facebook and makes it a point to add his ex back on there. Treats me and my son so different and always puts me down. I just think how long can I take the high road and not say anything and now it’s even harder bc we have a son she’s treating differently too. It’s sad bc that’s his grandma and she’s not even happy he’s born. My fiance asked her to come up more and visit us bc we live 45 mins away and with the kids it’s hard to make it there a lot then she called me and went off on me saying that everyone always comes to her that’s how it always works. There’s a ton more she has done but how long can I keep taking the high road. I want to just ex her out of my life but I don’t for my fiance but it’s hard to let things just roll off my back. Especially when it comes to my son and how he’s being treated.

    • Jenny

      There hasn’t been a recent post in a long time. It felt really good to hear all your stories. I have a mother in law from hell, went thru all the phases of trying to win her over, complimenting her, doing nice things and at the end of it all, it is worth nothing. It is actually a ticket for her to think she is above you and to disrespect you further at some point. Be cordial and do not give her anything more or less. You don’t need her approval. You don’t need to take her crap or accept her beliefs about you. Choose to no longer drag yourself down this never ending pit of hell. Once you get to this place in your mind, she no longer can ever get to you or your family ever again. It works like a charm, just choose peace and realize you are dealing with a mentally unstable person. It is just the way it is, and be happy you have your husband and family.

  • Lisa B.

    I can not say or express how much this post has helped to remove the sense of devastation that I have felt by the utter hatred & disdain from my former monster-in-law that I found myself subjected to for simply loving one of her sons. The pain & misery that she created is a weight & a burden that I an happy to be rid of. However, her son learned how to be just as destructive as his mother in the end, & now I am left to fight for custody of my daughters against some extremely cold & calculating manipulative former family members. I am free while my daughters are not. It is tough to have survived domestic violence from your former spouse but to be unable to get your daughters out. Reading these posts reminds me that by continuing to try & be a better & loving person their hatred can not ruin me. So I try.

  • anymore

    The guy my girlfriend left me for dumped her for someone he works with after casting the win ex back spell which my friend introduce me to! the win ex back spell works fast! Of course she called me and pleaded for my forgiveness and now she always want to be with me,she is always attached to me now trusting everything i say to her. I love knowing I had everything to do with this winexbackspell@gmail.com for i will keep shearing the goodness until i am satisfy.

  • Kiwi

    I’m still a young person so I really don’t understand much, but why are all these MIL stories involved with such a wimpy husband? Fucking defend your child’s mother for gods sake.

    • Gee

      I know!!!! You are not a real man if you are a mama’s boy. You are just dat…..a boy!!!! Grow a pair…..

  • AmericanWoman

    My life sucks… I am engaged and my fiance’s mom hates my guts and makes my life miserable… I suffer from depression and ptsd from the military already and she makes me feel unsafe… and safety is my priority. She swears she loves me all the time but today she threw a plastic container at me while i was washing the dishes. Oh and I forgot to mention we live with her and have been trying to buy a house for months now… My fiance is torn between us so I have stopped telling him about his mothers evil doings but I am trying so hard to respect her in her house. She threw something at me today and started shouting to Jesus like she had the holy ghost… It scared the crap out of me so much I dont think I can sleep here im afraid she might do something crazy. She kept shouting and speaking in tongues and saying that the holy spirit keeps telling her that I am not right for her son… and she is always talking to people on the phone saying horrible things about me… she doesnt even know me at all. I love my fiance but I am afraid that she has caused so much harm to me mentally that I don’t know if even if we move that I could spend the rest of my life dealing with some lady that acts like she is in a poltergeist or exorcist movie. The worst part is that she is always talking about God which kills me cause I don’t think God would want Christians to treat other people the way she treats me… If I dont do something soon im going to end up in a mental institution… My health has been getting worse since we moved in with her I cant function.. I don’t want to leave my room or cook dinner cause she is always around the house it seems just waiting to attack…

  • maria

    I don’t no how to put this,.. but I married my husband and moved out of town then 3months later moved back for work. My husband had a bad drinking problem an was looking into rehabs. When we went back to our house he said he didn’t feel like rehabs were right for him that he just needs someone to talk to( which I fully support him in any decision he makes.) Well when we went to tell his mother she flipped out, and came to me saying ” u can take this however u want, I don’t like u, I don’t think ur right for my son, u come with a lot of baggage, he has to fix himself before he fixes u” (I have no baggage! I have no kids. The only thing I have is divorced parents that bring me into everything but I don’t drag my husband into it at all) but back tracking a Lil, she’s always made me feel unwelcome or unwanted where ever we’re at, and i always kill her with kindness so her saying that just confirmed that I am hated. …so anyways my car has been stuck at their house for 6 months now because the lovely mother Inlaw doesn’t want me over at her house. And I can’t help but to think it over and over in my head. Parts of me wanted to commit back with a smart ass commit but all I said was OK and walked out of her house… My father in law even said she told her other daughter Inlaw the similar thing when she was pregnant… Now its her husbands birthday an everyone is going out to celebrate it an yet I wasn’t invited which I don’t care cuz I was expecting it but I can see how it effects my husband. He doesn’t want to go cuz I’m not allowed to. And what really bugs me is how hell text his mother an all shell text back is 2,words… How and what can I do to deal with this and to get over it and help my husband cope with the way his mother is treating us?

  • Docas Laranch

    just want to share my experience with the world on how I got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 6years with 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me because I love him so much and don’t want to loose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house because it was a rented apartment and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used roots and herbs… Within 7 days he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our third child… I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience because I strongly believe someone out there need’s it… You can email him through his email address; spirituallove@hotmail. com

  • Julie Moses

    Can the marriage last through this? I’m starting to lose hope, because I’m pretty sure it’s everyone on that side of the family.

  • kim

    I have been in a relationship with my BF for 2 years (of the which we have been happily living together for 1 year). We are both very happy with one another but I recently discovered that his mother is not too fond of me. She smiles and asks “When are you having children? I want a grandchild” and then says negative things about me behind my back. His mother tells him that I am not right for him and discourages him from continuing our relationship. She has even talked him out of proposing to me in the future and tries to casually bring other girls around for him to meet.

    Her dislike for me seems to be a combination of various things: we have different cultural backgrounds (I am not white), I also think she see’s me as “high maintenance” (I am an ambitious city girl who works and spends her hard earned money freely; and she was raised VERY simple in the country and has experienced financial hardships most her life as a single mom). I also believe she is a bit envious of our relationship (as someone who has replaced her). My BF was temporarily staying at his moms house after college. She became used to having him around and became financially dependent on him since he would contribute towards the house expenses generously. When he moved in with me, she was distraught.

    In addition to all of the above, She works for my BF and is married (therefore has no need to rely on him so heavily), I feel like she takes advantage of him and wants everything for herself; she feels like she has put in her dues and should be able to kick back and not work anymore. (I have NEVER expressed that to anyone before). On the other hand, I am very independent, pay half of the bills in the house and I am NOT easily manipulated. I do not mooch off her son and don’t understand why she feels so threatened by me.

    MY QUESTION IS:
    What is the best way to handle this situation? How do I ensure she doesn’t meddle in my relationship and how can I convince her that I am good for her son?
    I would like to nip this in the bud now, especially since it is still early in our relationship. I have been very kind and generous towards her and don’t know what else I can do besides “kill her with kindness”

    • sarah889

      honey since she’s working for him there is nothing you can do, got the same ‘blessings’ and I can tell you no matter what you do it will get worse.

    • fed up with monster-in-laws.

      He will have to stand up for you and your relationship it is the only way. She will not listen to anything you have to say. I have defended myself for 24 years and counting. Get him involved early so he can show her he cares about you.

  • Natasha

    I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year now, and I have been financially independent from the beginning (I don’t have a constant job but I manage to earn enough). Since we started in the summer I was pretty much absent and we were together maybe like one week in a month.

    And of course we spent those days together (I was sleeping over at his place, and he was sleeping in my place. We both live with our parents).

    He is the only child (mama’s boy) and his mother is a total control freak. It started showing right after we came back from vacation at the very beginning of our relationship, saying we spent too much money and next time we are going with them! (ain’t happening).

    She is against every decision we make, always has an argument.. everything is expensive, bad choice if he doesn’t ask her.

    I didn’t really bother and I was very nice all the time, I think she misunderstood my kindness with weakness.

    My intuition was telling me she is mean, selfish, and doesn’t want me around her house. But I didn’t tell anyone.

    Once I was at a family gathering, my bf was talking on the phone and in front of his grandparents and his aunt she asked me to bring something from the kitchen (I did of course with all respect) and then she took a seat next to me, grabbed my hand and told me “You haven’t been beaten!” in a sarcastic loud tone :S

    I felt devastated, but didn’t change my face expression, just went numb.

    (What the hell was that?!)

    And when we wen’t in his room, I told him what she said there in front of everyone on the table, explained that it was out of any context..
    He was shocked and revealed that she is like that (talks a lot), and I should’t worry about it.
    But deep down I knew I recognized pure evil.

    I have been raised by my grandmother, she was living with us and was practically there more than my mother (who is workaholic).
    Grandma was always against my mum and I have witnessed her indirect destructive power in action (feeding my father information and causing huge fights in the family, often including my brother and me).
    It’s a miracle my parents didn’t divorce.
    It’s a miracle me and my brother are living normal lives, he is happily married, i am in a happy relationship, etc.
    My point here is that, I have seen what “overprotective” mil’s are capable of doing out of pure evil, without any other motive except for their own satisfaction.
    There’s nothing we can really do about it but I think no soul is desperate enough to put up with it.

    Another thing… my bf wasn’t working when we met, he is finishing his master studies and looking for a job. But he had some money from previous job that he was spending (for him, he never had enough to buy me drinks and stuff, but I had money and it wasn’t a problem). Some time ago, his account wen’t zero. And that’s when I started taking him for coffee and stuff. My “MIL” doesn’t give him even enough for food. And god she has a job, his dad has a job (when FIL wants to give my BF money, she doesn’t let him, she has control over him), and my bf is an only child! How can this be?! Is it because she doesn’t want him to spend her money with me?
    He is a very good person, and when he had more in the past, and they were in need, he helped them a lot financially, so I don’t get it….

    Where is this hatred coming from?

    She started being explosive towards my BF, slamming doors this couple of months, yelling about anything when I’m there, for example why my BF left his jacket in the living room, on the chair. She is out of control.
    Sometimes she is too nice, it crosses my mind that she really has some mental problem.
    I haven’t been in their house for a few weeks, I just don’t feel comfortable there, but I keep finding excuses and my BF doesn’t buy them anymore.
    I can’t lie to him, but I can’t lie to myself either, I won’t act like I approve her behavior.

    My mother was a silent victim, not a fighter. In the end my grandma died in her arms. She died in the hospital, but when they took her home to wash her, mama told me that she released a painful sigh, like her last breath.. in her arms.
    Not that I hate grandma, but the evil MIL was 91 years old when she died.
    The damage was already done.
    I guess karma has it’s way, may be a long way and I don’t think I can calm down and let it be. No one will feed of my life energy by making me miserable.

    • sarah889

      An only child?
      worst case scenario is staying and wasting your time ’cause mamma’s got a hold on this boy and won’t lose the control she has built over him. Mil I’m dealing with is worse she is his boss at home and his boss at work maybe she thinks she is my boss too :-)

  • Patricia

    I was supposed to get married on May 3rd of this month. My fiancee called off the wedding because he wanted his parents to have time to get used to me and so I could prove that I was not the person they thought I was. Problem is we had been living together for 7 months (one month prior to the non-wedding) and during this time, they kept telling everyone how wonderful they thought I was and how much they loved me and were happy i was to become part of the family. One month before the wedding after all arrangements had been made, they came to our home and told me they believed I would hurt their grandchildren. Shock, outrage, and utter disbelief. They proceeded to tell me when I disagreed with their assessment that I was juvenile, that I ran away from my problems, that I was disrespectful of my elders, and on it went. My fiancee was present for this and after they made their initial outrageous accusations I walked away from the “discussion” which proved my juvenile, disrespectful, and run-away tendencies. My fiancee convinced me to return and further discuss their “concerns” against my better judgement. He did not tell them they were wrong in their accusations, that they were wrong to attack me in my own home, that they had no right to treat our home as an extension of their own, or to get out until things calmed down. I sat there and asked them what evidence they had for me “hurting” the children and was told” you told the girl no and when she asked again, you snapped at her with “I already told you no”” and because I told the girl it was rude for her to make her grandpa wait on her because he came to pick her up and she wanted to play outside on the trampoline, then relayed this to her father in front of grandpa. I also told them that since I successfully raised my now 19 year old son without hurting him, they had no basis in reality for the accusation. I love this man enough that after a thirteen year break in our dating, I agreed to give up everything and move almost 2 thousand miles to be with him and his children aged 10 and 8. My freedom and independence, my career, my home were all given up freely and this man is not giving up anything in return. I was perfectly fine ignoring the snide remarks from his mother when I didn’t do what she wanted with her grandkids but this has been blown out of proportion.How can I get him to tell his parents sorry you don’t agree but grow up and treat her with respect as she is here to stay? He wants to get married he says but wants them to have a chance and give their approval. I asked him whether he would have divorced me after we were married and this happened and he realized this makes no sense but is warring with showing respect to his parents.
    Lost

    • Nardi

      Leave. they will make your life hell. If he is will to let them into your home and verbally accuse you of things such as abuse of children then what sort of a life partner is he? It will be hard but he will not support you and this will be a constant fight.I have a MIL that hates me and it never ends.Despite the fact you may be a saint.

  • Blaze

    This was very helpful and I enjoyed reading this blog. Unlike you ladies, I have to deal with my sil and MIL they both dislike me. I have been with my husband 15 years and we recently got married last year. She (MIL) doesn’t acknowledge me, she doesn’t accept my two sons (they aren’t for my husband), but she wants to be apart of our daughter life and I won’t allow it. I don’t call, her, go to her house when my husband goes, basically I have no relationship with her or my husband’s sister. My husband has a son prior to meeting me, and they tried their damnest to make excuses why he should have left me and moved back to his hometown. The boy who is now 18 has lived with his mother and my MIL and sil would just do things for the boy as if his mom was non existent. Then they would call my husband and brag about what they did for the boy and make my husband feel like he owed them. They also did things for the boy to make my husband feel guilty about not being in the boys life like they felt he should. My husband works overseas, so he is rarely home, but when he would come home they expected him to run up and down the highway behind the child. Now the child is older and hates his dad and I feel it’s because of the negative things and thoughts they have put in the boys head about his dad and me. For Christmas the MIL and sil would buy gifts for my daughter and husband, but nothing for me and my sons. I addressed this issue and they told me my sons weren’t for my husband, but he has raised my sons from babies. It’s so much I have been through with them, they have treated me ugly since day 1, at first the sister was cool, but she started acting like her mother. Mind you, the sister has no husband, 4 kids and she lives next door to my MIL…… -_- We didn’t tell them when we got married, we went to the justice of the peace and it was just us two. Well my MIL and sil found out via a post I made on Facebook from my husband’s messy ass cousins., and she was furious! When my husband did talk to her, she cursed him out, told him he was out of her will and omg she went crazy she even called me a bitch! She didn’t say congratulations to him nor me, and she just hates he married me. The sister told him congrats but it was fake, they are all fake, his whole family. He is so afraid of his mom, he doesn’t want to hurt their feelings or disrespect his mom, but she calls him Mr. Muthafucka, totally disrespecting the man he is. I just stay away, because I know me and I will snap on them, my family embraces my husband and treat him like people are supposed to be treated. His family is just so messed up, I really believe they are jealous of him and they strive on making his life miserable like theirs. They lie and are cutthroat towards each other. I stay away from them.

  • Elizabeth Garcia

    Hi Everyone,
    My name is Elizabeth, and I just want to share my lovely experiences with my MIL. I do not really have advice for anyone but reading others posts brings me comfort, it lets me know that I am not alone and the problems is not with me. Im hoping to do the same for others.
    The first six months my husband and I dated my MIL loved me, in fact, she knew me so well that she always bought me gifts that I LOVED. She bought me closed toed shoes, cause she knew I get grossed out by toes, and when she bought me clothes, when she she gave it to me, not only was it beautiful, it had been hemmed to my exact measurements. She bought me beautiful handbags, my favorite muffins, I thought I had hit the jackpot with her. When he proposed at six months everything changed. It was a total surprise for everyone, including me. When we told her, about 10 minutes after it happened because we were meeting them for dinner, she could not say anything at all, except for “it looks like he spent way too much money on that ring.” She was “helping” us with the wedding planning but ended up taking over and everything was done her way. It was a total nightmare. She spent the whole evening of our wedding reception telling all of our 500 guests ( all her friends, people I didn’t even know for the most part) that she came up with all the ideas and that this was really her wedding. When we got back from our honeymoon she told me I looked like I had gained weight. I weigh 124 pounds. When I wrote thank you letters for our wedding, she opened them and proofread them and then called to tell me she did not like them and would be re-doing them for me, as a favor to me. When our wedding pictures came in, I put together our wedding album. She threw a fit because there was not an 8X10 picture of her in our wedding album and went 3 months without talking to my husband. When my husband and I bought our brand new beautiful home, she came over and brought all her friends, and then she led them in a discussion about how she hated our house. When my husband confronted her about it, she got upset and went another 3 months without speaking to him. She and my husband constantly argue about stupid things and she usually hangs up on him after telling him things like, “you have changed for the worse since you married her. You are no longer my son! Do not ever call me again!” When my husband’s grandmother got sick, we were going to go see her but she was mad at my husband for some reason, and she told us that if we came, she would call the police on us. When his grandmother died, we went up there for the funeral, yelled and screamed about how all we cared about was his grandmother and not her! She told my husband things would have been better between them two if he had never married me. After all these fights, she normally pretends they never happened or that she does not remember and calls my husband a few months later. So recently she came to visit for the holidays and she brought some of her regular thoughtful gifts. For me, a folding lawn chair that she felt the need to announce that its great because it holds up to 250 pounds. She also gave me some cook books on cooking light and easy and one on how to make macaroni and cheese the easy way. By the way, these books were used and had the stickers from a garage sale. For my husband, he received some lovely zip ties. I recently has surgery and supposedly she was really concerned about my well being. So when my husband called her to tell her I was in recovery, she told him she was busy and had guests and couldn’t talk. I do not know what I ever did to this woman. I am a nice girl, I work, I have no baggage, I don’t have bad spending habits, I don’t do drugs, I am clean, and am very well educated and come from a great family. I have been married 3 years now and can say that our biggest cause for disagreements has been his family. We are trying hard, but she is definitely making things stressful for us. I have strong family values and don’t want my husband to lose ties with his family but I am not sure where to set boundaries.

    Best advice I can give is to pray and stay focused on your marriage. Do not let go of happiness and a family because she is immature.

  • Linnea R Fast

    Yes in the norm. But let’s give another scenario like mine. I’m an ex mother in law to a real bitch. She -on the sly manipulated an affair with my very special ex son in law. Yes. She broke up two marriages with my grandson in the middle who may I add has not had contact with me since. So before you say things about mother in laws, consider bitch daughter in-laws. Ironically, those two are made for each other. And they both have one thing in common…..me, the ex mother in law and karma.

  • Charlie yuille

    Help ! My soon to be MIL hates me I swear . I told her how I felt and the shit she said was wrong Im getting married in 9 months ! What can I do

  • Charlotte

    Does my mother in law hate me?

    mother in law hates me. She’s always ignoring me and made the mistake of ignoring me in front of my boyfriend once. Whenever my boyfriend confront her about things she plays the innocent card. Things never improve though, so she’s clearly not innocent and I know this is all deliberate because she’s as good as gold in front of my boyfriend.

    In front of my boyfriend she is really nice to me, except I won’t say much because when I do, I know I will start getting ignored again, but she’s a bit more subtle about it now in front of my boyfriend. She rarely slips up in front of him but when she does he doesn’t even notice. She has pushed me before and I landed into our car…she has also given me a light little slap in front of him, which he noticed but didn’t say anything.

    When I’m alone with her (which I try not to be) she ignores me or gives me “advice” about what I should be eating and sometimes it’s stuff I’ve already mentioned in passing. Some things still hurt, like once where she saw me eating fruit I think it was, and said “oh are you going through a healthy phase?” I’ve tried turning these “advice” sessions into conversations and that’s worked, as long as I’m just saying things like “ahh yeah, that’s good”. If I say much more then I will get ignored.

    When it’s me, her other daughter in law and herself, then those two will talk and no matter how much I try or how much attention the other daughter in law gives me, she will actually act as if I’m not even there. One of the worst times was at a funeral. My boyfriend couldn’t walk with us but asked them to take care of me as I’d just had surgery and could barely stretch my legs out in front of me. They didn’t take care of me at all and sped off. I made my stitches bleed trying to keep up and even then I couldn’t. My mother in law kept looking back and smiling/giggling. Then she kept looking where I was standing, standing directly in front of me and talking to my sister in law so that I couldn’t even join in the conversation if I wanted to. She also kept talking about babies, knowing full well I’d recently had a miscarriage and wasn’t over it. If you like someone, you want to talk to them, not go out of your way to talk to someone else and not you. She will always talk about my sister in law to me, saying how she’s the best.

    My boyfriend either forgets a lot of things or ignores a lot or passes it off as she wasn’t thinking much into it and is innocent. Surprising how much that innocent card works for her. She was told to drive carefully because I’d just had surgery, her bracelet “catches her wrist” and she almost does a full circle and manages not to crash- stitches pull and bleed. Boyfriend has since forgotten this. While I was going through my miscarriage she was the nicest she’s ever been to me and I wish that could always be the case, but obviously in better circumstances. However, when my boyfriend was away from us she’d say things like “well you haven’t got to be too upset, at least it wasn’t anything”. And when he was with us she said “on the bright side, I wasn’t ready to be a grandmother”. I understand his reasoning that she was probably just trying to lighten the mood, and I do think she could have been coming from good intentions, however it still stung, a lot and I think if I wasn’t already so sad that I would’ve spiralled after that. We went to a family wedding one time and she spent most of it with her sister looking at me, laughing, whispering and pointing. She also came over to me and my sister in law and said how another couple she saw there wouldn’t make it. My sister in law asked how she knows that, that she can spot a good couple and that for example they aren’t like my brother and sister in law. She just looked at me and smiled.

    I recently decided to text her a lot, to try and build our relationship, because if she just gets to know me then maybe it won’t be so bad. Plus then it cheers my boyfriend up. But she doesn’t text, it would always be me to text and initiate a conversation and by conversation I mean more like an interview of her. She did once message me and my boyfriend together which was amazing but went back to just messaging my boyfriend. She’s told me before how she texts my sister in law a lot and she’s always talking to her, it’s just…why don’t I have equal treatment? All I am is nice and I’ve been called high maintenance before by her. She’s always making comments that are passive aggressive, she said my family is probably nice and “normal” with an emphasis on normal, in front of my sister in law, well she was talking to her, not me and then was laughing and when I said what my family are like she ignored me and looked irritated. Anything I say I’m interested in, she says “ew” or “urgh” and pulls a face, in front of my boyfriend too but he takes no notice. Anything my sister in law is interested in is amazing to her and she takes an interest. I was looking at a one direction thing and she came behind me and my boyfriend and listened to what I was saying, then walked ahead and said, oh is that one direction? Erghhhh. On that day too she also left me to pack all her shopping, and put it all on the conveyor belt and just kept laughing with the shop assistant saying how she didn’t have to do anything, even though I said I’d like some help.

    During this time I’ve been trying to build a relationship with her, she still says ew when I say things I like, she even pulled a face when I said I’d got a disney cd. Then I said it was love songs for me and my boyfriend and she just physically turned away. She also still ignores me if my boyfriend isn’t there. I’ve had one decent-ish conversation since when I’ve been on my own with her and it was her saying things I’ve said a billion times to her and she knows and saying it like it was her teaching me something…can’t explain it’s too long winded but I went along with it and had an ok conversation, it just proved though that she does ignore me. I’m still trying but it brings me down so much that I’m the one making an effort and trying to make things better. She never even tried with me. She loves her other daughter in law. She’s the kind of person who says “love you” to people, I’ve seen it, so I said it to her and she said nothing. Didn’t even acknowledge it. My boyfriends dad side of the family is completely different so I’m not making this shit up. This is awful and I can’t tell my boyfriend cause I don’t want him to fall out with his mum. When I used to tell him, he said he didn’t want to go over any more. I also can’t confront her about it cause I think she will just be nasty and play innocent again and make me look like the bad guy.

    • sarah889

      Some ignorance from your side would be perfect for a change, try to understand her intentions then give her the same attitude next time when you have a chance, if you don’t stand up for yourself no one will.

  • maryjane

    My mother in law sold my fiance and I their house after neglecting it for decades. They hid mold and other issues from the inspector so we paid WAY MORE than it was worth. Then they left my name off the title.
    Last week, I described to her the veil I chose for my wedding to her son, and she LAUGHED in my face!!!
    Now she has invited herself to my bachelorette party.
    So glad I’m not alone and crazy!

  • Humble Bee

    I am recently going through some similarities, my “MIL” has such a close relationship with my husband, sometimes I really don’t know who his wife is, he sticks up for her whenever she breaks me down, he tells me that it’s all me and my fault that I feel this way, if I would have known that she was a controlling, manipulating, mentally unstable bitch, I probably would have never married her son. She got to be a bar fly while she raised her kids and her husband worked 24/7 and I’m the opposite! I work (took care of her son the first year and a half of our relationship) and I’m a full-time college student and a Mother! My husband tells her every part of our marriage, even the sex (which I find creepy and insulting at the same time), I hardly speak to my parents, I see them maybe once a month if that, but I just don’t understand why every time my son and I come over, she literally makes us sit on the couch and be quiet, my son is not allowed to play or socialize with any of them, (my son is only 6) and when my son asks for anything she acts like he is Not even human. My son deserves the best, but I feel like I made the biggest mistake marrying into this family. I don’t know what to do anymore, my husband has picked up a lot of her traits and I am growing apart from him EVERY day……

    • Jean.

      That is when it is time to tell your husband that if he is going to tell his mom aboutyoursex life, that you will not give him sex until he stops and respects you.
      And for those of you who feel the need to say that a wife should not do that, then make sure you give a better solution, because what he does when he shares the most intimate part of your marriage with his mother or anyone, is to betray and disrespect his wife in a profund level. And this is what those biblical wife websites SHOULD be discussing, instead of telling wives to submit.

      Wives, show your husbands all the comments on this site and help him to see how wrong it is for a husband to betray his wife this way.

      It is okay for wife to challenge her husband when he does her wrong. Ifyou do not confront him, you will be filled with bitterness and anger at him and his mother. 10-24-14

  • Mrs. Seda

    I’m going through much of what you covered but it’s all because my wife made the mistake of calling and complaining about our marriage issues and arrguments to my MIL. Now she texts my wife telling her she’s a mess and needs to leave me additionally she told her that I’m no longer welcome at her house. The good thing about this is that she is divorced from my father in law and he loves me to pieces. I’ve set boundaries with my wife and can only hope that she respects them his time in not blabbing our marriage issues to her horrid mother !

  • Jones Nicole

    I want to use this medium to tell the world about Dr Kasee who helped me in getting my lover back with his powerful spell, my ex and i where having misunderstanding which led to our breakup though i went to beg him several times to please forgive and accept me back because i knew i offend him but each time i went i always feel more deeply in pain and agony because he always walk out on me and would not want to listen to what i have to tell him but on one faithful day as i was browsing i came arose a testimony of a woman whose problem was worse than mine and yet Dr Kasee helped her with his spell so i was happy and also contacted Dr Kasee for help via email (onimalovespell@gmail.com) and then told him my story but the only thing he said was that i will wipe your tear out with my spell so luckily for me everything want well just as he promised and right now i have got my fiance back and we are both living happily. there is nothing Dr Kasee can not do with is spell and just as promise myself i will keep testifying on the internet of how Dr Kasee helped me.Are your problem greater that mine or less i give you 100% guarantee that Dr Kasee will put an end to it with his powerful spell, contact Dr Kasee today to help you email: onimalovespell@gmail.com

  • http://twitter.com/marjenclona Marj

    My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We broke up for a year before, even then I knew his mother were saying bad things not just about me but about my whole family. She used to be my gradeschool teacher. So thinking she knew me better than his son does, she’s saying stuffs like i’m a bad influence and all that. And up until now, she still meddles on our relationship like there’s this one time I post a photo of our funny conversation with nothing confidential and she told her son that it’s bad for his reputation because he just graduated and looking for a job. Companies might look at his facebook profile and see “scandals” in there. It’s just a funny conversation between the two of us which i opted to share cause its really funny. She keeps on saying things such as “you’ll meet other girls, dont think that she’s the one”, “I’ll never like her.”, “Your life would be ruined.”(when it’s not. he’s actually graduating with honors.). I tried to win her though, i texted her during her birthday. I dont know what else to do. I hate to see my boyfriend hurting because of the things her mom says to him about me.

  • Stopping The Abuse

    Hi Everyone! I wish I was entering “mothers-in-law anonymous”, as it is almost like a disease what all of you and myself have been made to endure at the hands of these MIL evil doers. My story is this, I have been married for 22 years and dated my husband for 2 years – so 24 total, every time I slip and say 23 years when having an argument with my mother in law she makes sure to correct me that it is in fact 22 years as if that she has been counting down the days that she can effectively cause a divorce between me and my husband (her precious perfect son), who all the women want (according to her). I was married before and went through an abusive marriage whereby I barely escaped with my life and two infants 1 1/2 and 3 1/2. I prayed for someone to love me as I love. Didn’t really ask for anything else. Before my mother in law found out about my divorce and my children she acted like she loved me to death. When she found out she treated me like dirt on the ground and has rejected and turned all family members against me for the entire time of my marriage. She mentions old girlfriends to my husband in front of me and blames me for his not wanting to go to high school reunions because she states I am jealous (not the truth, he might have slept with half the class according to what he told me, yet his mother acts like he is pure as the driven snow) of course, I being divorced am tainted in her eyes and unworthy of her son. Doesn’t matter that someone put a gun to my head and threatened me and I found the courage and strength to leave even when I was threatened. She told family members at a table eating one time when I was there and not my husband and son (I was only there because my son was in rehab and I had to attend classes for family sessions), my husband naturally didn’t go as I always got to take care of any issues after decisions were made on his part not to stand up for our marriage and help me discipline our child. She told the family members to throw me in the ground and grab shovels and throw dirt on me (naturally, I told them they had better go get the family members in Georgia to help them as it would take them all to take me out). You could have heard a pin drop. What idiots complete idiots who claim to be Christians but that is not the kind of Christian I am. I find it crazy that family members go along with her bad behavior and I in the past have defended all of them (when she said her son-in-law was beating his wife (her adopted daughter) and that she hoped he would die! Her daughter was pregnant and he was not beating her, she was losing weight due to the pregnancy. She makes up lies, gossips and manipulates and controls through cards sent in the mail and gifting. Sad part of it all is, my husband never defends me with her. My father in law passed about a year ago and she told me on the phone after that (that I should have ridden on the hood of the car), this because she tried to kick me out of the car for the funeral procession so that her, her husbands sister and her daughter could ride with my husband. She didn’t care where I rode just so she took front seat and my place beside my husband for everyone to see. I sent him ahead for the funeral two day prior to my going so he could help her and spend time with her. She repaid me by trying to reject me on the day my husband was burying his dad. Not to mention the 20+ years she put name tags on the table during family get together’s and always separated me and my spouse by one person in between us and did not ever do that to the other married couples. When I married her son I could not have any children, yet I went to a fertility specialist and my gyne and they used surgery to untie my tubes. Having less than a 50% chance of a pregnancy four months later after serious prayer and God, I was pregnant. When we went to share the news with his parents “she slammed her fists down on the table and stated “well yall didn’t waste any time did you”, we had been married for two years and I had major surgery (it was definitely planned). Her adopted daughter told me that my husbands best friend and his mom wagered a bet of that our marriage would not last 6 months, but it has been 22 years or 24 counting dating. I have cried from Alabama to KY after visits to her house in the earlier years because of her actions and just the pain I felt inside from her repeated rejection. Last night she and I argued over the phone, over the years I have forgiven her no less than 1,000 times. Not anymore. I have no place in my heart left where I can give her anything of myself. Nor, will I allow her to continue to rob me of my peace of mind. I am done. If my husband does not find it in his heart to defend me I will not endure another minute of this abuse. Just because I love him, doesn’t mean I have to put up with any of this. Wish me luck as I am from a God fearing background and this is why up to this point I have tried to take the high road. Today I shall not be “moved”. I am standing on solid ground and I will not have her in my life anymore – “read, toxic in-laws”, great book……..

  • sarah

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  • Bida Stacey

    HOW MY EX LOVER CAME BACK WITH TEARS BEGGING FOR MARRIAGE

    Am Bida Stacey by name My ex-boyfriend dumped me 6 months ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me.I was so confuse and don’t know what to do,
    a friend of mine introduce me to the Dr Harrison by giving me his email, i never believed until
    I contact him and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 3 days that my ex will return
    to me, and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. for more information contact me on bidastacey@gmail.com I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that,we got MARRIED.all thanks to Dr Harrison. (seeing is believing) just put him to test and see his mighty power. If you have a similar problem please contact him on SACREDSPELLTEMPLE@HOTMAIL.COM

  • Bida Stacey

    HOW MY EX LOVER CAME BACK WITH TEARS BEGGING FOR MARRIAGE

    Am Bida Stacey by name My ex-boyfriend dumped me 6 months ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me.I was so confuse and don’t know what to do,
    a friend of mine introduce me to the Dr Harrison by giving me his email, i never believed until
    I contact him and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 3 days that my ex will return
    to me, and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. for more information contact me on bidastacey@gmail.com I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that,we got MARRIED.all thanks to Dr Harrison. (seeing is believing) just put him to test and see his mighty power. If you have a similar problem please contact him on SACREDSPELLTEMPLE@HOTMAIL.COM,

  • Bida Stacey

    HOW MY EX LOVER CAME BACK WITH TEARS BEGGING FOR MARRIAGE

    Am Bida Stacey by name My ex-boyfriend dumped me 6 months ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me.I was so confuse and don’t know what to do,
    a friend of mine introduce me to the Dr Harrison by giving me his email, i never believed until
    I contact him and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 3 days that my ex will return
    to me, and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. for more information contact me on bidastacey@gmail.com I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that,we got MARRIED.all thanks to Dr Harrison. (seeing is believing) just put him to test and see his mighty power. If you have a similar problem please contact him on SACREDSPELLTEMPLE@HOTMAIL.COM

  • Bida Stacey

    HOW MY EX LOVER CAME BACK WITH TEARS BEGGING FOR MARRIAGE

    Am Bida Stacey by name My ex-boyfriend dumped me 6 months ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me.I was so confuse and don’t know what to do,
    a friend of mine introduce me to the Dr Harrison by giving me his email, i never believed until
    I contact him and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 3 days that my ex will return
    to me, and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. for more information contact me on bidastacey@gmail.com I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that,we got MARRIED.all thanks to Dr Harrison. (seeing is believing) just put him to test and see his mighty power. If you have a similar problem please contact him on SACREDSPELLTEMPLE@HOTMAIL.COM,

  • http://www.solverking.com Patricia Smith

    I never knew people still have powers and make things happened this way. My name is Patricia am from utah in the states, my boyfriend Slay Scot left me for another girl for three months’ ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love. A friend of mine Dorothy told me she saw some testimonies of this great Prophet Victor that he can bring back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i was not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great priest on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after three days my boyfriend called me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for everything he made me went through. I still can’t believe it, because it highly unbelievable it just too real to be real. Thank you Prophet Victor for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for anyone who might need the help of this Great man here is his contact ajamugashrine gmail com. or kindly check www solverking com

  • Grainne

    So I need your help. My boyfriend is 40 I am 22 yes I know but we love each other I recently took him to meet my parents as they live miles away. Ever since, his mother has been evil to me just pure evil. I work with her so it’s difficult but I love my boyfriend she has made comments about the age gap my maturity and basically said he is using me and cheating on me. She said his kids will hate him if they meet me how do I react to this? I’ve never met anyone like this before. I didn’t realize the hate some people have inside them. She talked about my past relationships something she knows nothing about and I ended up defending myself when I’ve done nothing wrong.

  • Guest8

    I have been with my partner for 4 years, with the intention of marrying sometime in the future. I have always been lead to believe that my future MIL has liked me, but looking back – I now realise i have let a lot of snide remarks pass by me from her. She had always insisted that she would absolutely love me to be her own blood daughter and that I was to her. However, over time she realised that I was still around a little too long, with her son for a little too long, she chose to insult me along with her daughter when her son was not around – then proceeded to act like the victim when he found out! After that, it all went down hill… she does not want me to come around her house, and she is hoping that we split. I have told my partner that he should forgive his family, and that time will heal. I hope to marry him, and hope that they will come around and be apart of their grandchild’s/nephew/neice’s lives in the future. My partner is very supportive of me, staying by me – which infuriates his family (only the father supports us but unfortunately he is very ill)
    I will forgive them in the future if they choose to change their minds, but if they continue to act petty – then they will play no role in my future family’s lives.

  • Babbie

    My mother in law moved in. It was supposed to be only until she found some place else. She cried on my husband’s shoulder, she doesn’t want to live by herself. Now I stuck. She never liked me. She never prepared for retirement. She’s always been a leach. Now we’re supporting her. She’s telling people she moved in to help us. My stomach is always a bundle of knots. HELP

  • guest

    I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 months, we absolutely adore each other but I done the silly mistake of seeing his mom for 2 weeks. I got on with his brother and sister but his mom and grandmother sat me and my partner down and said that I had changed him for the worst.

    He’s become more independent since he left the house and enjoys his private alone time. On the night of Christmas, she got angry because she thought I .was lying to her family, which I’m not. I got called a conniving b***h and told her son who’s (20) that if he left early with me then she would exile/excommunicate/banish him from the family. I waited for him to make up his mind and he decided to stay to make up with his family. I missed him but he did also want to come with me cause he felt smothered by his family and missed his independence.

    So I helped him by paying for his ticket but he had to lie about coming to see me and his mom said that I was fat and unattractive and not worthy of their surname and his nan said that she will never get on with me.

    I changed my personality while in my first week because she thought I wasn’t being myself but I had to change to make her happy and get more involved which I did.

    Please help me and my problem.

    P.s my boyfriend is the youngest of his siblings, he doesnt know his father either

  • Lakin

    I really needed to read this! My mother-in-law is trying her hardest to cause problems in my marriage. This helped me a lot!!

  • Kifanie

    This post has helped me so much.. I need some serious advice!! She has been nothing but mean and vindictive towards me since the day I met her and every other person in him family lives me to death.. We have a son and now he is 10 month and all of a sudden she wants my husband to start making our son apart of her life when before she could care less.. I need some serious advice people. I feel alone and empty that my husband could even fathom the thought of bringing our son around someone who has hurt and disrespected US in such ways..

    • Sarah

      It’s his mother in the end of the day, never make him choose between you too, just ignore her and focus on your little family :)
      Best of luck!

  • Sarah

    So, apparently they all are the same crazy women everywhere!
    I’m Egyptian, so I kinda come from a different culture but believe it or not, it’s just the same when it comes to MILs.

    I’m recently engaged to my boyfriend and we’ve been together for about a year, at first my MIL was like an angel sent from above and I truly believed that she loves me as her own and all that crap, the woman was SUPER nice with me, until one day, God only knows what possessed her and turned her on me. Nothing and I repeat NOTHING happened from my side or my family’s side, she suddenly won’t answer my calls or text, If I call she hangs up on me, ignores me completely and that sudden change caused tons of problems with my fiance (boyfriend then) he wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong, all he said that there’s nothing going on and I just imagine stuff, till one day I proved him wrong, I called her from from my mobile in front of him and immediately she hangs up, he was like try again later, I did so, she did the same again, he got so angry and wanted to confront her but I refused, only cause our engagement was like a week away and I didn’t want any problems, but unfortunately she made my engagement experience a morbid one, needless to say that the preparations were just pure HELL, in the engagement itself, she totally ignored me, didn’t even look at me, she was just sitting there on their table with a huge ass frown on her face! making sure everyone knows that she’s not approving on this or me, not to mention that she didn’t want to even shake my hands! she just kissed her son and that’s it! I grabbed her and kissed her cause of course everyone was watching.. I cried on my engagement party, got into a fight with my fiance and it was a day I really want to forget! ( that’s how much I’m suffering) I can go on and on, she’s making my life miserable and I’m really trying not to let her ruin my relation with my man cause I love him to death, I planed on completely ignoring her but the thing is, we will live next door to her, so I don’t know what to do??

    Sorry for this long post but I really needed to get it out cause I can’t share this with anyone and I can’t of course share it with my fiance specially that he’s at the military now.

    Thanks all for sharing your monsters in law experiences.

  • Bug

    When me and my husband first meat his mother didn’t live her she lived away and we decided to get married, a few months later I was told she was retiring and moving back to where we lived well a few miles from my house I had never met her and when we moved her back lets just say I’m glad I didn’t meet her before we got married because she has made my life a living hell. I try to be a good person and the bigger person but it’s terrible and I try not to,say anything to my husband because it causes us trouble but I can’t stand the way she treats me…….HELP!

  • Jan

    This is such a sad situation for all involved. I understand that most all of us are dealing with pain that we never dreamed we could have. I was raised is a truly wonderful family both mother’s and father’s families loved us. Family was instilled in us to be the most valuable possession one can have. When I got serious with my husband my mil acted very pleased. Then it happened. HIs sister went to the same college we attended. She and I would talk and bike ride daily. But on the weekends when we visited his family, she would not talk to me at all. The MIL did the same thing. When sis was around she would not talk. It was strange to me being from my large, friendly family environment. When I spoke with my husband about what to do he would say “you try to hard and it gets on their nerves”, ” you just need to try harder”, ” you get on their nerves”. I had no idea what to do but I kept silent and tried to keep my place and just tried to be myself. FIL and I got along very well for the first 15 years. Then the MIL, SIL relationship got worse. I would walk into the room and sit down and they would get up and go into another room. I still had no idea why. I had our first child, a daughter. At the hospital my MIL left before we got into a room. Later, my siblings said she videoed a baby boy she thought was ours and when she found out ours was a girl she was upset and left. We stopped to see her on our way home from the hospital. She looked in the window and made no big deal. Later she came to our house and said we should call our child by her middle name because she didn’t like her given name. Time went on. She was nice to our daughter but made no effort to see her beyond the Sunday after church visits that we prompted and happened at her home. When my daughter was 3 we had our second child, a boy. He passed away at 4 days old. It was such a nightmare. The morning after we buried him she called my husband crying. She never inquired about my husband or myself just cried to my husband to fix a problem his sister had. She was pregnant out of wedlock. Who calls someone the morning after they bury a child to cry about someone being pregnant. I guess that was the first time I saw her true feelings. We were blessed the following year with a healthy baby boy. She never held him until he was 7 months old. The sis and family lived with them and her daughter was 3 months older than my son. Then 3 years later her mom, my husbands grandmother, was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. During a Sunday visit we were leaving my husbands grand parents house headed to his parents down the road. My 6 year old got into the car and asked if she could ride with her grandmother. I looked to the house and saw my MIL, her grandmother, in tears over her mom’s health. I told my daughter that she could just ride with me and give grandmother a little time to herself (it was a five min. drive, literally). When I pulled up into the MIL’s driveway she was talking to my husband and went rushing inside when I pulled up. As I got out of the car my husband asked me why I had done that to her. I did not understand what happened. After all, the MIL never asked me if my daughter could ride and I thought it was simply a 6 yr olds idea. I felt she needed time to gather herself being so upset about her own mom. I truly did it to help. So I followed her inside. She yelled at me telling me that I always went to my mom’s house and never hers (untrue). Then she grabbed my arms and shook me telling me that I made her sick and to leave and never return. I calmly asked her if that was what she really wanted to which she replied with a terrible look on her face. “Yes! that is what I want”, so I walked out the door. My sweet 6 yr old was standing by the porch crying asking why grandmother was yelling at me and telling me she was sorry she made her mad. It broke my heart and I stayed as not to let my daughter think it was her fault. Over the months and years my child would ask why grandmother yelled that day and I always told her that her grandmother loved her and I loved her and not to worry about anything. Eventually, she and my son were pushed aside for daughters children,which I fully expected from day one. But it still hurt. Finally, my daughters senior year my daughter broke from all the family stress. She said my MIL was trying to break my husband and I apart. I went to counseling to try to see what to do to save my marriage. My daughter wrote the MIL a letter telling her how hurt she had been and asking her to let her be the silver grandchild since she was not the golden one. My MIL was furious with her and eventually told her she wanted no relationship with her, yes, her grandchild, firstborn. It broke my daughters heart and made me furious. My husband allowed his mom to continue to hurt my child taking up for mom’s actions. It has been pure hell. I have not mentioned my son in this because he has had no kind of relationship with Grandparents. They never had anything to do with him beyond Sunday visits. I used to pray fervently that my children would have a relationship with the Grandparents. I realize now that God answers prayers even if it was not what we thought we wanted. I know now seeing the total turmoil the other grandchildren have endured by having a relationship with the grandparents that the outcome of relationships with them are not what I want for my children. Too much to get into but in the end, it hurts, the pain it causes my husband and our family has been unfair. But, what may have happened if they had built that relationship with my children was not what I wanted for my children and would have made my job as a mother much harder. Thank God for unanswered prayers because really they are answered the way that is best for all. After the third time my daughter has tried to mend fences and has been YELLED at my her grandmother and after having been accused (myself and my daughter) by MIL of writing an off color letter to my SIL, I have told her that if that is what kind of person she believes I am then I do not need to be around them anymore. My daughter (24 yrs old now) has since cut her ties saying she can no longer take the drama. My husband has since become the target of her anger and now has pulled away to end the pain. It does, it truly does end the pain. It feels wrong to do that but in this case it will never be comfortable. My husband has asked his parents if they want a relationship with his family and if we can work together and even go to counseling but they say they do not want a relationship, and in all truth there has never been one. I NEVER thought I would just cut ties but I was losing my mind and was so angry at how my children were treated. It made me very resentful to my husband that he allowed his children to be treated that way and his daughter to be yelled at repeatedly. I can truthfully say I still have remorse for what could have been but my heart tells me that it would never have been the way I wanted. Sad but true and no winners just survivors.

  • Nita

    I’ve been married to my husband for almost 7 years. We have 5 beautiful girls together. Ages 8,7,5,2 and 7 months. Me and his mom use to be close din out and shop together. But soon as we had our first born she started acting totally different like she was the mother of me her son and our child. His father is a heavy drinker but that isn’t keep me from liking his dad. But his mom keep things going. I’ve tried to save my marriage but it has gotten to a point where she walks in my bedroom and does childish things to set me off. My husband spends no time with me. Seems as if he avoids me. And I’ve tried to save my marriage but all he does is yell at me and the kids. and we don’t deserve that. He refuse to talk about what’s going on. I’m very stressed the kids don’t smile. And I’m starting to think it’s best that we separate or divorce.

  • Lors

    For 5 years i have worked so hard to ‘fit in’ with my FI’s family, including making a bond with his mother. His sister and i used to be friends and when i met her brother (my FI) and he pursued me, i asked how she would feel if we dated. After gainig her verbal approval, i felt comoftable moving forward with our relationship. Obiviously, i was still sensitive to her feelings throughout the first 3 years of dating him; no matter what, the dynamics of our friendship altered and i faced at least a 9/10 on the adversity scale. Despite her jelouse and manipulative approach which would cause tension between my FI and me, as well, between her mother and us, my relationship between my FI and me remained fine; the relationship between my MIL and i was fine. Once my FI proposed to me, i began to notice small changes in her behaviour. She began to nit pick at little things said or reformulate a diaglogue between myself and her to my FI (obviously painting a picture that is untrue, making herself look better). His sister enjoys and mom are now best friends which is great, however; they lack any interest to demonstrate inclusivity with me. The younger brother has disrespected me by screaming and yelling at me three times to my face when under the influence. My FI has excused his behaviour by mentioning that it was rude however he was drunk and he acts this way with everyone. I come from a family where we communicate our feelings and work together to reach a common goal (solving problems and making sure everyone is happy as we are a family); i am not used to working this hard just to feel some sort of acceptance or place in this family. Family and being part of family; having the families grow together is HUGE for me and for nearly 6 years there is a gap that i can’t seem to fix. The older brother and his now FI, seem to have a similar experience with the families not growing together (from what i observe on the outside), however i live a couple blocks away from my FI and his family. In fact, my parents have bumped into my MIL in the grocery store and when my mom saw her, she ran up to her and gave her a hug and greeted her; my MIL quickly said hello, gathered her bags and said she is in a rush. That is COLD! i wasn’t there, however, if this is true (which i doubt both my dad and mom would exaggerate the stroy), I feel angry about it. His whole family, except for the older brother and father, have shown barely an effort to reach out to myself or family and this has caused huge issues between myself and FI. We went on a couple breaks near the end of last year and even broke up for a short period. I used to be a person that would “be the bigger person,” pick and choose battles and not give in to negativity. I feel that i have lost all care in the world to continue going out of my way to show care, and empathy or sensitivity toward them; unfortunatley, i have allowed their behaviours and their non-communicative ways to alter my character for the worse. It’s upsetting that i worked so hard for years and nobody remembers the efforts i put forward, it only seems that they enjoy to see when i’m not doing well to take glee out of that together against me. i know that sounds very bias and exaggerated however, it is how i’ve been feeling. Last holiday, his mother made me cry with the things she said to me; in all the 6 years i have never cried or felt the amount of pressure to cry. When my FI saw this, he asked what happened and she fabricated stories, turned to me and said, “see? now he’s mad at me,” and told me that if i am thinking there are issues, it’s all in my head (as if to manipulate the situation and make me beleive i’m going insane)… These issues are real and they have taken away from the exciting wedding process for my FI and i.
    Just looking to confide in anyone who may be going through the same challenges i am and gain closure that i’m alone in this whole dilemma.

  • Akaia Cameron

    Ever since I been with my husband my mil has hated me she told him he needs to chose some one better. She has spoke bad about me and my husband to my 5 year old daughter. She is a hateful personals I can’t deal with her but this is putting a strain on me and my husbands marriage. I don’t know what to do anymore

  • DiamondW

    Even though i am years late, i am so glad that i found this forum. Anyway, my MIL is a complete nuisance. Let me start by saying that my MIL retired a few years back and because her income decreased, she was not able to refinance her home without my now husband’s income. So now he is locked into a $100,000 mortgage to help her out. Also, he had always felt that he didn’t need his own apartment because of this house. So we all live in the same one story small home where his mom hears, sees, and gossips about all. I have left a few times because of disagreements with her son (that had nothing to do with her…per say…but the stresses of living in the same house played a part). First time she said i tried to send a hit man to the house to kill them (freaking crazy x 1,000) and then the second time she claimed that i tried to poison her with a smoothie that she watched me make and drink while right in front of her! I see the dirty looks and i catch the sly remarks but i was raised to respect my elders. I am a very nice person and i think what hurts most is that i can’t really “speak” my mind as i am used to when my feelings are hurt. I have never experienced such accusations or discrimination ever.

  • Emma

    Hi,
    I have been married not even a year and moved country to be with my husband, uprooted my children and left my family and friends, which I wanted to do to be with my husband and I feel that my gain is far more than my loss, however, the MIL…..OMG….she is bitchy, miserable and twists anything and everything I say. It is not just me, it is also about my sister in law who also married into the family two years ago. She has lied to my husband’s family about me and got her husband and daughter to send spiteful text messages. She wanted to cook for my husband for his birthday….talk about childish and i had already made plans for us but because he said I had made plans she tried to turn the fmaily against me and couldn’t be bothered to call or send a card then wrote some dysfuntional blackmail crap on my husbands facebook wall about when she was pregnant with her perfect first born son. Her husband was rude to my children so that’s totally made my mind up about him, she made a condescending comment when both my husband and I were at her house….”whoever Jeff ends up with will be a very lucky woman”…who in their right mind would say something so damned hurtful and spiteful? I have now got to the point where I cannot be bothered any more. I don’t want anything to do with her or my husbands sister or my father in law…….I think she is jealous and it comes out in her comments to and about me. I have told my husband that if people are going to alienate me from the family and be rude to and about my and my children then they are not welcome in our home. He is supporting that and said that his mother has always lied and been like she is. I feel slight relief that it’s not my fault but also upset for my huband that she has ruined her relationship with him and his sister.

  • Helpplease

    Hi everyone… so I have been reading all the reviews on this forum and it has been really helpful in making me feel like I am not alone in what I am going through. So a little about my situation. I have been with my bf 6 years, he is irish/southafrican and I am indian/english, so we have very different upbringings. We have been together since my last year of university and have pretty much grown up together, we are now in our late 20s and hope to be engaged by the end of the year. Hence why I need to speak out and ask for some serious help.

    So I noticed my mother in law turning into a bit of a monster in law about 6 months into our relationship… I am sure it probably started before that but I was quite naive and happy go lucky. I found out she disliked me actually via a message I was not meant to read. Before this I thought we were close. My bf was in the shower and we had had a little argument the night before. His mum had wanted to do an impromptu brunch so he had written we couldn’t as we were chatting because we had a tiff. She wrote back how he deserved so much better than me, how I wasn’t good enough for him and how he should leave me and just join them and end it. I read the message as it pinged when my bf was in the shower and he asked me to read it. I was mortified. I told him to please let his mother know I had accidentally read it and if we could chat as I thought we had a good relationship. She told him to tell me she wasn’t interested and she did nothing wrong.
    Here are a few more (there are lots) of examples of her hatred towards me, it’s always little nasty things that can go unnoticed:
    1) My bf broke my laptop accidently in an argument at university (hormones.. young) and I asked him to pay the 100 pounds to fix it. He obviously went to his parents for the money (as we all did at university) and said he would pay them back as I used it for my essays ect. She turned to him and said, well shes a rich bitch, get her family to pay for it. I am in no way a rich bitch, my family are well off but we are all very down to earth.
    2) watching trash tv, she mentioned oh those kardashian girls… money,no class so annoying. Later that day at a family dinner with some of their friends started comparing me to her.
    3) One day they were drinking in the afternoon and there was a bbq out back in the garden so my bf walked straight there. I went to go say hi to his mum who was talking to a friend at the bbq and I said oh hello! She put her hand up to my face and said hush, dont you see we are talking, its rude to interrupt.
    4) My dad had a heart attack and I was looking after him and even moved back home for 4 months, at this time my bfs mother decided to plan a family trip, in that time I was distraught as my father nearly died in the operating room whilst they were away so was crying over skype to my bf and I hear her say in the back ‘get off skype you only come to visit your aunt and uncle a few times every few years’ knowing full well what my situation was. Also I was very close with their aunt and uncle… who now seem to hate me after that trip.
    5) So MIL had a heath scare for a few months and I went to at least 50% of her appointments whilst looking after my dad, and working so I tried my best, I remember one night I was so run down I ended up n hospital, I didn’t tell my father as I didnt want to worry him (it was during the night) I got myself checked out the hospital at 5am and went to a 7am appointment with her which was 3 hours away as she didnt like the doctors in the vicinity. After it was all over she wrote a long paragraph about how thankful she was with the support and missed me out completely.
    6) after she got better her husband moved to the next city for a job and instead of relocating with him she stayed (dont know why) and then used to emotionally blackmail her son into seeing her multiple times a week. Constantly tell me i was taking him away from her (in a joking way) and then at one point got her friend to tell me to chat to her son about spending more time with her?!?!
    7) Christmas- She bought me a geroge forman grill (everyone else got micheal kors bags and cute pretty gifts) to help me lose weight as i looked like ive gained a few. (ps im a uk 10).
    8) as I am indian its not customary to introduce the bf unless he is a guy you want to marry. I introduced him to my parents after 3 years and between that time she was always saying infront of people may I add that she thought I was ashamed of him and he wasn’t good enough for me or my family. Its not the case at all! Its just a cultural thing. It made him feel insecure too and caused arguments between us.

    I feel like his whole family look down on me now after her bad mouthing me constantly- I try and only be nice and polite- then she makes fun of me infornt of people and says I am stuck up and can’t let loose like a good irish girl would have… I am sorry but I can’t help where I come from and I try my best. I am seriously a respectful person, in my culture you don’t answer your elders. So whenever she has said anything to me I just become very quiet and will not answer back. I will discuss it with my bf at a different time and try and get him to deal with it if necessary. He was a bit of a mamas boy in the beginning so caused conflicts which I didn’t want, I was trying to do the right thing.

    Sorry this is so long… but last year about 5 years into our relationship we broke up for about 4 months… I was devastated, with both our parents ill and us being full time carers I think it took a toll on our relationship. We got back together and are now stronger than ever, the break helped us grow up and get out of our rut. In that time when my bf and I were reconciling about 2 months into our breakup… he had an asthma attack and went into hospital. His phone died so he told me to message his mums phone. I did this and sent a very nice message…. she didnt respond or give him the phone (she didnt even tell him I text) instead she called me about 5 hours later (i am worried) telling me that she appreciated my concern but HER son was fine and she was only calling me out of common courtesy, she said she didnt need to make the call but was being polite as I had known her son for many years (we hadn’t told anyone we were reconciling at this point). What a shitty thing to say. Any who… (its nearly over I promise) we havn’t spoken really since the breakup as she clearly thinks of me as old news.

    Her and her husband then moved away to another country after this (only 2 hours flight) and my bf and I got back together much to her dismay. She doesn’t ask about me, when she is visiting she doesn’t want to see me, its ridiculous…. she will not outwardly say it but she just says she wants to spend time alone with her son. which is fine I just let it go… I don’t want to see her anyway. Any who its been nearly 8 months now and shes moved back! The monster is back! Agh! Our relationship has thrived with them away. Now she is back im worried shes going to start guilt tripping my bf and causing problems again. My bf really loves his mother but since we broke up he has told me himself that she is very needy and does guilt trip him and he sees what I went through. He assures me it will not happen.

    We have had no contact since the hospital time. She has no interest in me and is choosing to pretend I do not exist. Obviously I would like to have a civil relationship with her for my bfs sake and also our future kids. It was my bfs birthday recently and I said it would be nice to go for dinner, she separately invited him for dinner… there was no talk of joint dinner? was weird. He ended up going with me, but its strange… I don’t like the segregation. I would like a slight relationship with them- maybe just for occasions so my bf doesn’t feel like he has to choose. I think shes hoping our relationship will break down again. She has told everyone how happy she was to get rid of me. It just sucks. What should I do?

  • Kristin

    Help my MIL hates me has told me on a number of occasions that My husband could have done a lot better than me. Also about 24 hours after the birth of our son told me the only thing I was good for was giving her a grandson. Now that we have a second baby a little girl she wants nothing to do with our daughter and only will spend time with her grandson. But tells everyone that I am keeping her from the children which I’m not in anyway she is always welcome. She just only comes when it is convenient for her and our schedules shouldn’t matter we should drop everything. Also whenever we go to visit she literally doesn’t speak to me. I can ask a question or join in a conversation and nothing. I have thought about say I’m not going anymore she obviously doesn’t want me there but I don’t want her to win. Any advise?

  • rebbie

    I am having a really hard time with my MIL at the moment. I am currently 34 weeks pregnant and somehow the sparks always fly with her when i’m heavily pregnant, at my worst possible time as i am always very emotional throughout pregnancy where as i’m always in control and calm normally. I do feel she picks this time (maybe subconsiously or not) as she knows that it will provoke a response (big time).
    currently my MIL stays with us 2 night a week so she doesnt have to commute to work as she moved away and hadnt found another job yet.
    I adore my husband and have an amazing relationship with him, we have two sons 7 and 4. We love them like crazy and we have a really happy home.
    This arguement starts with my MIL giving my sons some chocolates on there way out to school in her bedroom, i am struggling to move around and was in a rush, she doesnt really assist me getting them out the door and they came down covered in chocolate. Cleaned them up and hurried them to the car.
    I asked her “how many have they had?”
    She said why are they not allowed them?
    I said not in the morning really, but it doesnt matter its done now?
    And i took them to school.
    i try to control my eldest sons diet, as he becomes quite hyper and is currently be assessed for numerous things at school associated with temper, anxiety and concentration. Currently hes up and down at school and certain foods do sèem to make it worse so my motive is in his best interest and my MIL does know this but repeatly states she didnt know.
    anyway on returning from taking them to school, i greated her at the door not wanting to dwell on it but she completely went to town on me saying that how dare i talk to her like that and shes their nana and she can do what she wants shes only her a little in the week ….
    My response was immediately defensive stating no you cant do what you want this is my house and im there mother blah blah and words to that effect which went on for a while with some swearing from both sides and then we went to different areas of the house.
    i went out as i had a maternity appointment feeling very shook up and upset. I called my husband to let him know about it and to expect a fone call from his mum. I did apologise to him as it always seems to get out of hand.
    anyway later my husband calls back very upset saying his mother is in pieces and she told him that i had been in her face intimidating her and she was terrified of me. As well as that i had been tresting her badly for ages and numerous other thing.
    all of it entirely untrue and im upset at this point that he doesnt know if i have done it as he wasnt there. I understand he must find it hard to believe that the women who raised him can be so malicious and lie but i thought he knew me better than that.
    anyway i said i would go back and sort it out for his sake and my love for him, which he appreciated.
    when i got home it took a while to get any conversation going with her as she was she ranting, she had packed her stuff and said she was now going to be staying at her sisters from now on.
    we started talking but she completely believes i have no right to give her orders or tell her what to do which i quite respectfully told her that i have every right to tell people rules and routines of my children etc etc.
    When i though we were making progress she came out with your jealous of me and the relationship i have with my son. I tried to convince her that was ridiculous and have never tried to interfere with her contact with my husband although hes not as involved with his family as he was when he was single. But she is convinced that im trying to push them all apart which i think she has done quite well on her own as over the past 11 years she has given him several ultimates to pick me or them which he has always backed me on.
    then she says she doesnt like me and never has and she has told my husband this too.
    my response she didnt expect, as i said thank you thats fine now i know where i stand thank you.
    I think she was shocked i didnt get upset as she wanted and later she said she disnt mean it but followed it up by saying sometimes i like you and sometimes i hate you but i do want to love you. But cant quite put my finger on what it is about you i dont like. I am really confused about this last statement from her and dont know how to take it. I have endured many a character assasinations over the years and its been exhausting.
    Anyway she wouldnt let me take her to work and she took a taxi.
    i told my husband on the fone i tried but it had all broken down and told him what she had said etc.
    he said dont worry thanks for trying.
    when he walked through the door he smiled and come over and gave me a hug, but i can see the hurt and dissappointment in his eyes. Im ashamed of myself for not having the strenght to act calmly and im fretting about this constant battle that causes little chips to break away in me and my husbands bond. Im more upset that hes so hurt about it all and dont know what to do. I feel like i want to move to the other side of the world and currently should be having a nice relaxing time winding up my pregnancy. Any words of wisdom and reassurance would help tons.

  • mari_01

    Facing the same thing…. I don’t know how to deal with it. Please suggest something …. anyone …. she’s my boyfriend’s mom. And she’s just extremely sweet to me. But today’s the second time she called me aside …..and discussed my relationship with me and then she told me that I shouldn’t tell her son about the conversation we had. The last time and the first she told me the same thing after we had a conversation about my relationship with her son, but I couldn’t keep it with me. It made me very upset so I told him but my boyfriend went and questioned her, yelled at her and things just went very bad. But the last 4 months she has been extremely nice to me….. and I find it scary… not overwhelming but scary…. and this is the second time she has adked me not tell him what she told. Im scared to share it with him . He might go yell at her again qnd she is smart enough to tell him that I misunderstood what she meant to say. And I become the bad person. I just cried a lot over it and im keeping it to myself. I don’t know how to deal with it….. should I just ignore it and move on or risk it and tell him and create another misunderstanding and end up looking like the fool. She’s much older and smarter than me. And knows what she’s doing….. and reallly knows how to sweet talk her way… and im very immature. Don’t know how to deal with it. Im scared and worried and upset. And all I can do is keep it to myself and write it down here…. I don’t even know if anyone will read it. Im just very upset. I I wish someone could share some words of advice….. it would mean a lot. And this man means alot to me. I don’t want upset our relationship over what she thinks. But this is the second time… and ir seems like she’s figured how to play with my head and mess my life ….

    • Marisa

      Why are you even encouraging a conversation with her about your relationship with her son. This is what’s gonna happen….she might seem to be nice to you, but talking to you about her son and what you guys do together obviously pisses him off. She knows this, and she also knows that you can’t help but tell him either. It’s called manipulation. At the end of the day, that’s his mom and you’re his gf. If you keep encouraging her he’s gonna find out one way or the other and your so-called ‘nice’ MIL will get exactly what she wants. You out the picture. If she really liked you, she wouldn’t be interfering with the personal side of your relationship KNOWING if her son finds out he would be upset. I bet if you told her you don’t want to talk about your relationship with her because you’re uncomfortable, you will see the REAL side of her.

    • Annabelle Ogilvie

      Oh man i came on her mari to get advice on my MIL and just read your comment… My mil use to try thatv with me 3 y ears ago after the first 6 months we were together she would come over uninvited when he wasnt home and sit down and ask me if im going to steal her son from her, move back to my home country with him,,”my only boy…you wouldnt do that to me would you?…told me not to tell him she spies on his bank accounts (that she was granted access to when he was deployed in military in afghanistan) and forgot about it…said he had a drinking problem, did i know this (he doesnt) told me our relationship was toxic…etc . I have a normal sane family and this was something out of a twisted drama…i didnt give a shit about creating drama, if you want to stay with him yiu need to tell him that she does this to you, its putting u in an awkward position, its not fair and please dont think you have to play and put up with her games. She has it masterrd and you…like me dont want conflict or sadness..dont let her play games…find some good respectful one liners to make a healthy barrier, try to put her in her place gently but directly without involving him…

  • Kodygirl

    My soon to be mother in law hates me :/ she is always telling Jacob her son he can do better. Then she proceeds to go on and say if we spend the night with each other or move in together before we are married God will shun our marriage not to mention I’m trying to plan a wedding and she not making it easy she says things that hurt both me and my fiancé I literally am at my breaking point with her what do I do n

  • David

    Mine is ruining my relationship, once the baby came everything went down the drain. I’m probally the only male up here

    • Annabelle Ogilvie

      Your wifes mother is ruining your relationship? Does she not like you?

  • Timberle

    I have had this problem almost 8.5 years. My MIL has hated me from the start.. All started because she tried to make me get an abortion when we fell pregnant (only been together 3 months). I fully told her im not doing it and stood up to her.

    I have dealt with the no one’s around and she’ll jab at me and put me down. Everytime my bf would talk to her she would bag me out.. Finally after 7.5years he finally stood up to her about bitchibg me, and hung up on her. She now is very nice to me because she knows my bf wont tolerate her being nasty. His grandmother is naty to me but shes old so all good. However his dad, sister/s and brother and grandad are lovely to me.

  • valentine

    I agree with everything but #5, if any women (despite the position of authority and power she may hold) is saying cruel things to you. You must stand up for yourself if the second party is incapable to see past her manipulative ways it may be in your best interests to have a serious discussion. Allowing people to abuse you only enables them to continue, call them out and stand up for your rights. You are worth it.

  • Ashley

    Help! My MIL is dillusional! She says she doesn’t hate me or the fact that my husband and I are married but she has tried to break us up since day one. She ran DNA tests on our first son before we were married. She came and took his car because he decided to stay with me. She refused to cone to our wedding and then made a grand entrance. She got upset that I didn’t want her in the delivery room for births. It goes on and on. To top it off when she begins to date someone, she cuts us off for months at a time and we don’t hear from her. Then she pops back up with all these gifts like nothing ever happened but if we address it she goes off. We also recently became vegetarian and she will do things like take the kids to McDonald’s and feed them what she wants ..they are OUR KIDS not hers. When my husband addresses it she says things like he is a bad son and she even told him she tried to kill herself because he is uh mean. He is seriously the most gentle person I have ever met! Ladies help me here because I’m seconds away from contacting her myself and not in an aggressive way , but I’m not going to fight my whole life…I refuse

  • anon

    I’m dealing with this same situation. My boyfriend and I have been together for five months. We are ina long distance relationship. Since the very beginning she has been telling him that she has a bad feeling about me. She doesn’t like me or trust me. The first time we spoke, she used his phone while he was in his doctors office(he still has his mom take him to the doctors and he is 25!) And tested me “I hope you’re not playing with my son’s mind. I don’t trust you and I don’t like you. Back off.” And we got into a verbal spat. We eventually got over it, fast forward a few weeks later and my cousin passed away. He tells her everything about our relationship and I’ve told him over and over that if he has a problem with it, he needs to tell me, not her. She had the audacity to say I was making it up and that I was lying. She did the same thing when I had to go to court for a personal matter. she claimed I was lying. He and I just broke up and he was acting irrational and I decided to text her so that he wouldn’t hurt himself. Twenty minutes later she threatens me that if her son commits suicide, she would destroy me, my family and take away everything and everyone I love. I couldn’t take it
    anymore and I had to leave him. He wouldn’t defend me and he let his Mother speak for him. He is a grown man and she is yelling at me and threatening me like he is a child she needs to protect. In the end, his psycho Mother and his no-balls approach to stopping her even though he claims he loved me more than life was enough to make me leave. There is only so much abuse someone can take and I feel bad for any poor girl who has to put up with his psycho Mother.

  • Jen

    I have a unique situation with my in-laws and I would appreciate some thoughts. My husband and I have been together for about a year and a half, and his mom has caused so many problems (starting when we got engaged). I’ll spare all the details, but my MIL is super sneaky, controlling, and manipulating, and when confronted lies about it. She does not like me and blames me for “changing and taking” away her only son. My MIL wants her son to call her every week and when he doesn’t, she texts him almost daily about it. If he ignores her texts, my MIL starts having my husband’s sister, father, and aunts start texting and emailing. He finally told her (because I was getting frustrated about it) that we were no longer calling every week. That is one example of many where my MIL tries to manipulate and control us, and when she doesn’t get what she wants, uses other family members to manipulate. My husband comes from a very small and very controlling family, and most of them don’t like me at all and constantly gossip about me with one another. My husband and I went to counseling for several months about this and the counselors told my husband to man up, deal with his mother, and stand up for me. The problem is, after counseling, my husband seemed to engage and deal with his mom; now my husband only stands up for me when he’s confronted about it by myself or other people. Whenever I try to talk with my husband (in a kind and non angry manner) and tell him how his family makes me feel and how he makes me feel by not standing up for me, he gets very defensive and stands up for his family and makes tons of excuses. How do I deal with this? I no longer try talking to my husband about it because it’s just too painful to deal with. I can accept his family never liking me and being mean to me, but I absolutely cannot deal with my husband being wishy-washy and not coming to my defense on his own without making excuses for his family.

  • Adri

    My mother in law treats me bad i do not know why she does i do not know if it is because i am pregnant and not married yet to his son or simple she do not like me.i have neve gave her a problem and his sister in law has and she seems more happy with her when she almost got her to jail.I am about to have her first grandchild and she sure gives me a hard time. I love my bf but we are always arguing because he do not see they she treats me i need help please!

  • Shannon Smith

    I am Shannon by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address aisabulovespell@gmail.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.Aisabu. His email: aisabulovespell@gmail.com ,,

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  • Weth Mom

    So, After reading some of these posts, I feel the need to share. My MIL has been horrible to me and my children (AND her son) since his brother’s daughter was born. She has 4 grandchildren, but only ONE in her eyes….she went as far as telling my daughter (her oldest grandchild) that she was “the black sheep of the family because she was her only grandkid without blue eyes.” My daughter was in second grade! She continues to go over and above for the “golden grandchild,” and forgets my kids exist. Birthday dinners are MANDATORY for the golden, she has missed my daughter’s (19) last 4 birthdays, my middle son’s last two, and my youngest sons last two. Boys are 17 and 13. However, this year for HER birthday, she made sure everyone was berated for “not remembering and calling her.” I told all my kids: “It is perfectly ok you “forgot,” she has forgotten yours in the past, and you never treated her disrespectfully.” Her concentration was once again on the golden child: we celebrated GC’s birthday two days before my MIL’s because that is when the GC was available. We wished her HB then….aparently, that wasnt good enough. This year, Easter “was not even celebrated” because the GC was unavailable. Talking about needing “coping with” advice……